Thursday, December 23, 2010

A Reminder

Chad received an email from a friend of ours in Chesapeake.  His name is Chris Sale.  He's married to Cathie and they have 3 children.  Their oldest, Jordan, was one of Chandler's close friends when they were just little toddlers.  So, this family is very special to us.  Anyway, in his email, he reminded us of something.

A little history here.  In 1993 I became pregnant for the first time.  At around the 12 week mark when you can start to relax and feel like everything is going to be okay, something went wrong.  I went to the doctor and we found that the baby's heart stopped beating.  We were losing the baby.  This was devastating to me.  I had to wonder would I be able to have children?  I wanted children so badly.  I never miscarried on my own and ended up having surgery.  So, I grieved the loss of my baby.  We tried right away to get pregnant again and each month brought failure and heartache.  I grieved over and over each month.  It had been almost a year and I still wasn't pregnant.  So, one Wednesday night we were at church (Bethel Baptist) in Chesapeake.  People were sharing prayer requests.  Chad mentioned that we were struggling.  We wanted a baby so badly and God wasn't giving us one.  What if He didn't give us one?  Chad was crying.  I was crying.  Chip (our pastor) called us to the front of the church.  He had deacons come up and gather around us and Chip prayed for us.  He didn't so much pray for God to give us a baby.  But, for God's will to be done and of course, for us to be able to accept whatever that was.

The next day, I took a pregnancy test.   I didn't think it would be positive.  My cycle was messed up all the time.  But, I took the test anyway just knowing that I would be crying soon after because of another negative test.  Well, I was wrong.  The test was positive.  I was so excited.  I called Chad and my second phone call was to Chip.

So, in Chris's email, he reminded us of that Wednesday night.  We prayed for God's will.  Of course, we all knew that we were hoping God's will included a baby for us.  Well, it did.  That baby was Chandler.  We prayed for Chandler and God gave him to us.  Chandler is God's child but he gave him to us for a while to nurture, love, and raise him in the way of the Lord.  He knew when he gave us Chandler that we would only have him with us for 16 years.  In a way, I get a little comfort from that.  It reminds me of how much God loves Chandler.  But, my heart still aches for him.  I would still take him back in a minute.  I love Chandler and miss him so much!

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