We've celebrated another birthday without Chandler here with us. I don't have a ton to write about here but there is a specific thing that happened that I just really want to remember.
Overall, it's been an okay day. I made sure to workout as soon as I could this morning because it's therapy for me and I knew that it was the best thing I could do for myself. Soon after, Chad and I went to the grave and just spent some time there for a while. It was cool here today and it's always a lot colder at the cemetary because it tends to be breezy there. We got there and the sky was blue and the sun was beaming. It was perfect.
As we drove home, one of Carrie Underwood's songs came on, 'Something in the Water'. I was listening to the words and a few stuck out to me. The song refers to being saved and baptised. A few of the lyrics say, "And now I'm changed, And now I'm stronger, There must've been something' in the water, Oh, there must've been somethin' in the water".
I thought about those words all the way home and thought how true they are. People often tell me, "you're so strong". No, I'm not. It's only because of my faith and God holding onto me and getting me through each day that I even have the strength to get up each day. That's the reason I may seem strong to some. So, there was something in the water. It changed me. It's God in me that gives me the strength I need. There are so many verses to confirm that: "He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak." Isaiah 40:29. That is just one verse. There are many more.
I made the brownies that Chandler loved and then we went to Mexican tonight for dinner. It was just 4 of us though. It's the first year that Corben hasn't been with us for Chandler's birthday. He left Monday and drove to Georgia to visit a friend. I definitely missed him being here with us.
So, the thing I really wanted to remember from today is this: Carlie was heading out to school this morning and asked me if she could go to the cemetery after school. I told her that I was planning to go today as well and asked if she wanted me to wait for her. She said "no, I want to go by myself". She has never gone alone. When she said that, it just pulled at my heartstrings. It was so bittersweet. First of all, I loved that she wanted to go. Carlie was only 5 when Chandler went to heaven. So, the fact that she wanted to go have alone time at his grave just touched my heart. Then I felt the sad feelings because it breaks my heart that she even has to go visit her oldest brother's grave and that her time with him was so short.
Well, she got home this afternoon and I asked her "how did it go?" She said, "good". Then, I asked "did you have a good talk?" She said "well, I did most of the talking". And, that made me laugh. I thought to myself that Chandler would have loved that response. I'm sure that's a weird thing to stand out to me on this day. But, Chandler loved humor and he loved to laugh. And, that made me laugh. Laughter is the best medicine.
Happy Birthday, Chandler! We love and miss you!
