Christmas Day

Dec. 25, 2010.

Luke 2:11  For there is born to you this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord.

I was awake when Christmas day began.  I stayed up late last night thinking and crying and not really wanting to go to bed.  I just knew that Christmas Eve had been so hard on me so I really dreaded to see Christmas day come.  I guess I thought that by going to bed, morning would get here sooner and I would have to face the day.  Soon after midnight I knew that I just had to go to bed and try and get some rest.  I fell to sleep pretty quickly but I woke up sometime in the middle of the night and just couldn't go to back to sleep.  I started thinking too much.  Anytime I wake up, the first thought I have is of Chandler.  So, that starts the mind to working.  It makes it so hard to get back to sleep.  I probably laid there over an hour before finally falling back to sleep.  The next thing I know, it was morning and time to get up.

Chad woke up and looked out the window.  We woke up to a white Christmas.  It snowed last night.  I wasn't expecting that.  I'm not a huge fan of snow but I have to say that snow on Christmas day is quite pleasant.  It's really beautiful.  Chad and I got coffee ready and Chad started cooking some bacon.  I did a few more things to make sure everything was ready for when the kids got up.  I started waking the kids up at about 7:45.  My kids don't wake up too early - thank goodness!  I covered Corben's eyes and walked him into Carlie's room so that he wouldn't see anything before they could all walk in the room together.  They got their pajamas on and  I brushed through Carlie's hair.  We waited on Caleb to take a shower.  Then, Chad and Caleb joined us in Carlie's bedroom.  Chad shared a small devotion and prayed.  At that point, I cried.  I looked around the room at everybody and Chandler wasn't there.

We went into the family room and the kids saw their Christmas gifts.  Their eyes lit up and huge smiles were across their faces.  They started checking out new toys and opening their presents.  They had such a great time.  They have played all day with their new stuff.  Carlie got a Barbie RV and she has had the best time with it.  She got a pair of boots that she loves.  She put them on this morning with her pajamas and wore her boots and her pajamas all day long.  Corben has been shooting his huge Nerf gun all day.  He put a Lego car together.  They painted a cup, plate and bowl for each of them.  We're waiting on them to dry and then you put them in the oven for a while.  Then they will have their own decorated dishes.  Caleb got lots of golf stuff to go along with this golf clubs that he got for his birthday.  He's ready to go golfing now.  He also got a snow board with the boots.  He went snow boarding for the first time this week and loved it so he's ready to go as often as he can.

There were often times during the day that my mind would drift to Chandler.  I'm so heartbroken that he's not here with us.  But, I do know that he's in good hands.  He's celebrating the birth of Jesus with Him.  That has to be the best Christmas ever.

We had a lunch today of turkey, dressing, mashed potatoes and gravy and rolls.  Very carb friendly today.  Comfort foods!  We all sat together at the table to eat.  We don't do that a lot right now.  It's so hard to sit there and look around the table and not think of Chandler.  As soon as we sat down, I looked at everybody and wanted to just cry.  Our family is like a puzzle with a missing piece.

I had a headache today and I was so tired.  I think my very emotional day yesterday and my late night took its toll on me.  So, I took some medicine, laid on the couch, wrapped up in my quilt of hope, closed my eyes and took a little rest.  I felt a lot better when I woke up.

We made it through our first Christmas without Chandler.  I believe because yesterday was so hard for me that it actually made today a little more bearable.  I also know that so many people have been thinking about us and praying for us today and that has helped us to get through this day.  Thank you all so much!  We love you!

I almost forgot to talk about my Christmas gift from Chad.  I opened a big box and inside it were a pair of Chad's shoes.  How funny!  Inside the shoes was cash!  Yes, a very generous amount of cash!  He knows what I like.  Thank you Chad.  You're too good to me.  I love you!  Now, it's time for some shopping.