We all met in Pete's office. We talked a bit and planned the schedule for the service. One of the things we wrestled with was Chandler's burial. We're not from Roanoke. We've moved a few times over the course of our marriage. It's possible, we'll move again. The thought of burying my child here and then me not be here forever just breaks my heart. I was considering cremation. I could have him with me at all times. I can take him wherever we go. Chad had already talked to Pete about the issue and he wanted me to hear what he thought. Pete wasn't telling us what to do. He would respect whatever decision we made. I just needed to hear his thoughts on the issue and then we would make a decision. Pete explained how important it was that whatever we do exemplify the gospel. He reiterated that Chandler would not be in an urn of ashes and so the idea of having him close to us by keeping ashes in an urn was not a legitimate thought. He explained that the best illustration of the gospel is seen in putting his physical body in the ground with the hope of resurrection.
Pete asked if we had any special scripture we wanted to be used at the service. I immediately thought of some verses that have been very meaningful to me since I lost my Papa Thompson in 1997. It comes from 1Thess. 4:16-17. "For the Lord Himself will descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of an archangel, and with the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we who are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And thus we shall always be with the Lord."
Well, if these verses are as meaningful to me as I say they are, then they are helping me to make the decision. I have hope in the resurrection. I can vision my 2 Papa's, my Nanny and Chandler being risen first. Oh, what a beautiful vision that is. Then, those of us who are alive and remain will be brought up with them. My decision is made. We'll bury Chandler in Roanoke.
We wrapped things up and headed over to the funeral home. Oh, how I dreaded this. We got there and met with the funeral director. We talked about funeral arrangements. It came to the time where we had to pick out a casket. How do you walk in a room of caskets and pick one out for your 16 yr. old son? The doors were opened and we walked in. The man left Chad and I alone to look around and make a decision. We picked one. It was beautiful. I believe it was made of oak. It was very neat looking and fitting for a young man.
I'm amazed that I made it through this. Once again, the Lord numbed me to get through it all. I just knew that I would cry the entire time and I didn't shed a tear. It's amazing what the Lord will do to help you get through some tough times.
Later in the evening I knew that we had to pick out some music for the funeral service. I wanted to listen to some songs first before I decided. On Friday, Nov. 12, I had bought just a few Christmas presents. One of those presents just happened to be one for Chandler. It was a CD that he requested by the Newsboys titled In the Hands of God. I had never listened to the CD but because of the title I wanted to go through and listen to some of the songs. I read the song titles and a few stood out. I chose the first one I wanted to listen to. It was titled "No Grave". I put it into the computer and sat there and listened as I read the words. I immediately started crying. The song was perfect. The other song I wanted to listen to was titled "In the Hands of God". I started listening and the words were amazing. They were perfect. The neat thing was Chandler picked out his own songs for his service. If he hadn't requested the CD as a gift, I wouldn't have thought to purchase this particular CD. And the fact that I had purchased this particular gift the day before the accident was just amazing. Caleb wanted one other song played at the funeral. He wanted Carrie Underwood's "Temporary Home" so we added that to the program. The words to the Newsboys songs are posted below.
Soon after picking the songs, I received a phone call. It was about 9:15 pm. I didn't recognize the phone number and I usually won't answer the phone if I don't know who it is. But, the area code was 205 which means they are calling from Alabama. Well, I'll answer an Alabama call. I answered the call. The lady on the other end asked for me. She said she was Sherrie Burgess. I knew immediately who she was. She and her husband had lost their 2 1/2 yr. old son in Feb. 2008. We talked for over an hour. She shared with me scripture that had helped her get through her grieving process. I took notes as she talked. It was so good to talk to her. There is one thing I've learned on this journey so far and that is that it is comforting to hear from those who have already traveled this horrible path. They "know" what we're going through. They "know" the feelings, thoughts, fear, loneliness, etc. that we experience. If you haven't lost a child, you just don't know. You can try and imagine but you can not really imagine what it's like. So, to have those that "know" talk to you, send you a note, call you, hug you, etc - well, it means everything. I was so thankful to hear from her that night. Since that night, there have been many more grieving parents who have contacted me and each and every one is very dear to me.
No Grave lyrics
Lay my body down on Mercy Street
Or deep beneath the darkest seas
Lay my body six feet under down in Old
Noarlunga
Right beneath the ghost gum trees
Doesn’t matter where
You won’t find me there
No grave
Gonna hold my spirit down
Ain’t no grave
Hold my spirit down
Lord knows they’ll never keep me in the ground
Ain’t no grave
Hold my spirit down
It’s alright mama, now don’t be sad
It’s alright, don’t cry for me
They can lock my flesh and bones up until kingdom come
But my spirit will be free
It doesn’t matter where
You won’t find me there
It’s a dead end search
It’s a nowhere thread
Looking for the living down among the dead
No devil in hell
No angel above
Can separate the saints from the love of God
In The Hands Of God Lyrics
We have raised our hopes and our cities highWe have followed fragile dreams
But only One could take the measure of our goals
And we've stumbled over the trials of life
And we've wrestled the unseen
But only One can calm the storm inside our souls
In the hands of God we will fall
Rest for the restless, and the weary
Hope for the sinner
In the hands of God we stand tall
Hands that are mighty to deliver
Giving us freedom
When our strength gave way to the weight of guilt
'Til we strained for every breath
Only One could lift our shame and make us well
And when all is finished and we face
The fearsome power of death
Only One has overcome the gates of hell
You're amazing
You're amazing, You are
And we praise You, Lord
For what Your hands have done
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