It's November 14, 2010. We've been in the hospital all night and a new day has begun. Soon, the sun will rise. After staying in Chandler's room for a while, I decided to go back out to the waiting area for a bit. One thing that has been hard on me since I've been at the hospital is that I haven't been able to cry. I want to so badly but the tears won't come. I'm hurting because my child is hurt. I'm sad because I don't know what lies ahead. But, I can't cry and that bothers me. It's like I'm numb. I've been told it's "shock" and I'm sure it is but I sure would like to shed some tears. I get to the waiting area and just go sit on the floor against the wall and check my phone for any calls. Soon after I sit down, my phone rings. I answer it and it is one of my very special friends from our Seminary days. As soon as I hear her voice, I begin to cry. It's amazing. I'm crying. I was so thankful for that call. It was good to talk to someone that I love so dearly and she helped the tears to start coming. Sheryl, thank you so much for calling.
Chad had been resting on the couch for a few hours and he was going to get up soon, drive home long enough to shower, change clothes and bring me some stuff. I didn't want to leave the hospital. Chad took Alex with him for company.
Our pastor, Pete Schemm, came to the hospital that morning prior to heading over to the church. Nov. 14 is a Sunday. I took him back to see Chandler. He let Chad and I know that he wasn't going to do the traditional Sunday morning service. He was going to do things differently because of what was going on with Chandler.
The Schemm's had carried Corben and Carlie home with them to stay the night while we were in the hospital. We called Vicki Sunday morning to see if she could bring the kids to the hospital by noon.
Chad and I went back to be with Chandler. We were told that when the shift change was over, they would be running some tests on Chandler to determine brain activity. He wasn't showing much of that and they believed that there was an amount of time that he stopped breathing at the site of the accident which can cause damage. So, we waited on the shift to change and for them to start these tests. There are different tests they can do and if you fail 2 out 3 in Virginia then you are declared to be brain dead. All I could think was "Chandler, please pass these tests". The tests would also be done over a course of a few hours. One of the tests is where they open the patients eye lid and touch their eye. Most people would flinch or you would see some type of movement. In another test, they pour ice cold water in your ear. They say that most people would go crazy when ice cold water goes into the ear. Chandler didn't flinch when they did the water test to his ear. It also didn't phase him when they touched his eye. At one point, they took him off the ventilator to see if his brain would say "okay, Chandler, you need to breathe on your own." They took him off for 8 minutes and nothing happened. So, at about 1:30 pm, Chandler was declared brain dead. That is not something you want to hear. I stood there beside him looking at him. How can he be dead? His chest is moving. It looks like he's breathing. Of course, that's because the machines are doing it for him. How do you say goodbye to your child? How can I let him go? How does our family go on when a huge part of us is missing? He's my first born child. I remember the day he was born like it was yesterday. Why is this happening? So many questions and no answers! By the time Chandler was declared dead, the church service was over and so many people had come straight to the hospital. There was a waiting room full of people. Chad and I were still back with Chandler. Our Pastor was going to go get the kids for us so that we could talk to them about what had happened. The kids were in the waiting area with everyone else. While we were talking with the kids, Pete went to share the news with everyone that was there in the waiting area to make it easier on us. After we talked with the kids for a while, we went to see all of the great people who showed up to support us. There were lots of hugs and tears. Another one of our special Seminary friends had finally arrived. He drove from Georgia to be with us. It was so good to see Steven's face. For the next few hours, we just visited with friends who came there to the hospital to be with us.
One of the things we had to decide while we were there was did we want to donate Chandler's organs. Because he didn't have his driver's license yet, he had not had the opportunity to make that decision. We thought about it long and hard. We talked about it. A part of me didn't want them to touch Chandler any more. But, then, I also tried to put myself in another mom's shoes. What if one of my children needed an organ transplant? I would be hoping for a phone call. We know personally of a family that lives here in our area that is going through that. Their 7 yr. old son needs a full organ transplant. So, that pretty much made our decision for us. We decided to donate Chandler's vital organs. So, we had to get that paper work taken care of before we left the hospital. His organs would be taken the following day, Nov. 15.
At around 4:00 pm, we decided we needed to get home. That was hard for me to do. Not only am I going home without one of my children, but I'm also leaving a child behind at the hospital. He had to be kept on the ventilator until his organs were taken. We walked down to the parking garage. Once we got there, we realized that we didn't have any keys to get into the van. Chad had left his in the floor of the van. He had used my keys to drive home earlier to get a shower. So, what did he do with my keys? He realized that Alex had them. Where was she? She had already left and was driving back to Virginia Beach. Thank goodness our friend Steven was here with us. We left my van there until Chad could get it the next day. My family piled into Steven's car and he took us home, but only after he stopped by Applebee's and bought tons of food to feed us all. Steven, we're so thankful you were here. You're awesome and we love you dearly!
We arrived home and Chad's mom and step dad were in the driveway. They had been traveling all day to get here to us. Steven was staying the night and driving back home the next day.
We walk into our house for the first time without Chandler. Our life is changed forever!
A few hours later, two very special friends, Kathy & Michelle, came by to visit with me for a while. We all sat back in my room and talked and cried and even laughed some. You can't hang out with them and not laugh!
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