Missing Chandler

A lot of times lately, I can see Chandler walking out the front door to go riding with friends on that Saturday.  The vision I have is so clear to me.  He was so happy and excited to go do what he loved doing with some very special people.  It hurts so badly to see that vision and know that he never knew that he wouldn't be coming back home.

I look at his pictures around here and my heart just aches.  He was such a handsome young man.  He was perfect in my eyes and I hate that I'll never know what the future of his life held.  What kind of career would he have gone into?  Would he have married?  Would he have children?  Would they look like him?  There are so many questions that I'll never know the answer to.

Just 2 months ago, we celebrated his 16th birthday.  He was looking forward to getting his drivers license.  We were searching for him a car.  We had no idea that he wouldn't get his license and that we wouldn't be able to get him that car. 

I miss having him here with us as we do our school work.  At lunch time when we're all in the kitchen fixing something to eat, there is such a huge void.  Chandler would usually be right there with us.  We'd be stepping all over each other because everyone wanted to make their lunch at the same time, usually using the same area at the kitchen counter.

Chandler was also the one that didn't like a lot of clutter.  He would finish his school work and come in the other room and start straightening up and telling Corben and Carlie to "come clean up this mess".

My laundry loads have reduced a bit since Chandler has been gone.  I notice it.  As I'm going through and folding clothes and putting them into piles, there's not a pile for Chandler any more.  I would give anything to have him and his dirty laundry back! 

There is just so much that I miss about him.  He had such a great sense of humor.  He made me laugh.  I miss that!

Chandler, you make me so proud.  I can't say enough how proud I am and how blessed I am to be your Mama.  I miss you so much!  I want to give you the biggest hug and just hold you for the longest time.  I love you with all of my heart and I always will!