Finding Comfort

Yesterday was a busy day.  We have our home school co op group on Tuesdays from 11:00 to 3:00 and I really had no desire to go.  I just haven't had a desire to do anything lately.  It just takes too much energy and brain power to get anything done and right now I don't seem to have much of either one of those.  But, I got up to get ready and as soon as I got up, I received a text from my sister.  Then, I had 2 more texts come in from 2 very special people.  All of them were contacting me for different reasons but in the end they all sent their love and let me know that they were thinking of me.  Since I received all of those texts early in the morning, I knew it was God's way of saying "I'm going to get you through this day".  And, He did.  The day didn't end until we got home around 8:30 last night.  It was so long because Corben also had basketball practice yesterday afternoon and then we decided to go out to eat as a family since Chad is leaving on Thursday and won't be home until next Tuesday. 

My devotion for yesterday was also good.  These days are so hard and I'm constantly looking for comfort.  Well, the devotion yesterday was about that.  I enjoyed it so much that I actually went back to it and read it again today after I read through my stuff for today.  So, I'm going to write it here so that one day my kids can read it and hopefully find some comfort in it like I did.

Your rod and your staff, they comfort me.  (Psalm 23:4)

     At my father's house in the country, there is a little closet near the chimney, where we keep the canes, or walking sticks, of several generations of our family.  During my visits to the old house, as my father and I are going out for a walk, we often go to the cane closet and pick out our sticks to suit the occasion.  As we have done this, I have frequently been reminded that the Word of God is a staff.
     During the war, when we were experiencing a time of discouragement and impending danger, the verse "He will have no fear of bad news; his heart is steadfast, trusting in the Lord" (Ps. 112:7) was a staff to walk with on many dark days.
     When our child died and we were left nearly brokenhearted, I found another staff in the promise "Weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning" (Ps. 30:5).
     When I was forced to be away from home for a year due to poor health, not knowing if God would ever allow me to return to my home and work again, I chose this staff, which has never failed: "For I know the plans I have for you, . . .plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" (Jer. 29:11). 
     In times of impending danger or doubt, when human judgment seems to be of no value, I have found it easy to go forward with this staff:  "In quietness and trust is your strength" (Isa. 30:15).  And in emergencies, when there has been no time for deliberation or for action, this staff has never failed me: "He that believeth shall not make haste" (Isa. 28:16 KJV).  Abbott Benjamin Vaughan, in The Outlook
     Martin Luther's wife said, "I would never have known the meaning of various psalms, come to appreciate certain difficulties, or known the inner workings of the soul; I would never have understood the practice of the Christian life and work, if God had never brought afflictions to my life."  It is quite true that God's rod is like a schoolteacher's pointer to a child, pointing out a letter so the child will notice it.  In this same way, God points out many valuable lessons to us that we otherwise would never have learned. selected

     God always sends His staff with His rod.

     Thy shoes shall be iron and brass; and as they days, so shall thy strength be. Deuteronomy 33:5 KJV

     Each of us may be sure that if God sends us over rocky paths, He will provide us with sturdy shoes.  He will never send us on any journey without equipping us well.  Alexander Maclaren

This devotion got a hold of me right from the start.  One reason is because of the illustration used at the beginning.  The writer starts off talking about the walking sticks used by various generations of their family.  Well, my Papa and Nanny Carnes lived half a mile from our house.  My Papa would take daily walks to our house and for those daily walks he used a walking cane/stick that he made himself.  Over the years, he used several walking sticks.  He didn't just pick a stick from the yard and use it.  He picked one, sanded it, stained it, varnished it and made it look really nice.  Well, when my Papa died in 2007, Chandler and Caleb each got one of his walking sticks.  So, when I started reading, I could see Papa and his walking sticks.  So, that illustration just drew me in.  Then, I started reading all of the things this person had been through and the way God's Word had been used as the rod and staff to comfort him.  He referred to losing a child so I immediately knew that this writer had been where I am.  He "knows" what I'm feeling and what I'm going through.  He knows the thoughts I have and the pain I feel.  But he used Psalm 30:5 as his comfort: "Weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning". 

I'm still weeping.  I haven't seen the joy in the morning yet, but because of God's Word, I can hope that the day will come.  I know I'll never get over the loss of my son.  Who can ever get over that?  But, one day, in the years to come, God will teach us how to live with the pain of losing our son.  I can't imagine that day will ever come but I've heard testimony of others who have gotten there.

The words of Martin Luther's wife were so good and so true.  If it weren't for this affliction, I would never have understood the practice of the Christian life.  Everyday I'm having to practice what I believe as a Christian.  Do I believe God is in control?  Do I have faith in God?  Do I trust Him in what He does?  Before Nov. 13, 2010, I would have said "yes".  I mean that is the Christian answer, right?  But, since Chandler's accident, I've had to really ask myself those questions.  The answer is still "yes".  But, now, I'm really having to live out the answer.  I have to trust God each day to get me through the day, to comfort and take care of my family.  I have to trust that He knows what He is doing.  I have to believe He is in control and He's not out to harm my family.  I have to have faith that He knows what is best and that one day when we reach heaven, we'll be able to see the Lord and say to Him "I understand now and You did the right thing".   I was driving home the other day and I was by myself.  I was in tears, thinking about Chandler and having some time with God.  In the midst of that time, I realized that even though the pain I feel is indescribable, I love the Lord now more than I did before November.  I had to ask myself "why" and "how" can that be possible?  I believe it's because I know that He is getting me through each day.  Sometimes, I don't feel His comfort but for the most part, I do feel Him comforting me.  I feel His presence when I'm weeping, even though He's silent.  He's also using friends, family, and His Word to comfort me.  I also know that this home we are at now is temporary.  One day, this will all be over and we will be together for eternity in the presence of God.  I also know that right now Chandler is in the presence of God.  I know that Chandler loved the Lord and right now God is taking care of Chandler.  As much as I love Chandler, God loves him even more.  That's hard for me to even imagine because I know how much I love my kids and to think that God loves them more is just amazing!  I look forward to the day when our entire family can be in the presence of the Lord worshiping Him as Chandler is right now.  

I have to just keep searching for that Word to be the rod and staff that comforts me during this most difficult time.