A poem from Chandler

Today has been a sad one for me.  We woke up this morning and Chad was getting clothes out of his closet and he brought a pair of jeans to me and said "these are Chandler's".  They were just a pair of his jeans that he worked in.  They have paint on them and are just worn out.  But, when I see those jeans, I see Chandler.  I took them from him, held them and then folded them.  When I took them from him, I wanted to be able to take them to Chandler so badly and say "here's a pair of your jeans".  But, I can't do that. 

I had a hair appointment this morning so I headed out pretty early today.  Once I started driving down the road a song came on the radio that I love.  Some of the words are "Jesus, please come, please come today."  It was so fitting for today.  I certainly need Jesus today.  So, I just cried this morning as I drove to my hair appointment.  When I left the beauty shop today, I went to the store to print some pictures of Chandler.  We have 2 frames that I want to put pictures in and get hung on the wall.  It's the kind of frame that holds several different pictures.  When I left the store to drive home, the tears started to fall again.  I've thought a lot today about how "real" this is.  It's so hard to fathom that I will never see Chandler on this side of heaven again.  That kills me!  It's so hard to comprehend that.  It's been 3 months and it already seems like forever.  How do I go through the rest of my life on this earth without him here?  The pain is just still so intense.  I talked to God on that ride home today.  I was honest with Him.  I told Him how hard this was and that it sucks!  

I just finished putting the pictures in the frames.  The middle photo needed to be a 5 x 7 and I wasn't aware of that.  So, I went to my closet to go through some pictures to find one to put in the frame for now.  I ended up choosing one of me and Chandler.  He's only 2 1/2 months old in the picture.  It's not my favorite picture of me but I love the picture of us together.  We are both looking at each other.  I'm smiling and he's looking up at me and he also has a little smile.  You can just feel the love when you're looking at that picture.  In the process of looking for a picture I found a few other things.  One of them is a poem to me from Chandler.  It's printed on paper that has a border around it.  I took the poem to Chad to read and as soon as I handed it to him, I realized one of the things that was on the border.  It's a dragonfly!  I couldn't help but cry again.  Chad noticed it too.  There are butterflies and flowers around the border but only one dragonfly.  How perfect!

Here's the poem:

My mom is so sweet
She's good at cooking meat
She washes the dishes
She doesn't make messes

She vacuums the house
She screams when she sees a mouse
She takes care of Corben
She usually wears a turban

She has blond hair
She likes eating a pear
I think
She likes pink

My mom is the best
She is not a pest
She likes weenie dogs
But she doesn't like hogs

Day by day
She gets sweeter
Hour by hour
She gets neater

I love you more than a pie
Cause I won't lie

Thank you for being my mom
Because you are da' bomb

Love,
Chandler

I love you so much Chandler!  Thank you for being my son.  You are the one that's da' bomb!