For His good pleasure

Since the loss of Chandler, I've continued to keep my faith.  I continue to trust God and what He does.  At least, that's how I come across.  But, after reading today's devotion.  I had to think hard about that.  Do I really trust God deep down or is it all show?  Am I just trying to look good in God's eyes?  Like I could really fool God.  Yeah, right!  But, do I really believe what I say I believe?  Did God know what He was doing when He took Chandler?  Did He make a mistake?  Did He do it just to hurt me or punish me for some reason?

Your heavenly Father knows. (Matthew 6:32)

     A visitor at a school for the deaf was writing questions on the board for the children.  Soon he wrote this sentence: "Why has God made me able to hear and speak, and made you deaf?"
     The shocking sentence hit the children like a cruel slap on the face.  They sat paralyzed, pondering the dreadful work "Why?" And then a little girl rose.
     With her lip trembling and her eyes swimming with tears, she walked straight to the board.  Picking up the chalk, she wrote with a steady hand these precious words:  "Yes, Father, for this was your good pleasure" (Matt. 11:26).  What a reply!  It reaches up and claims an eternal truth upon which the most mature believer, and even the youngest child of God, may securely rest--the truth that God is your Father.
     Can you state that truth with full assurance and faith?  Once you do, your dove of faith will no longer wander the skies in restless flight but will settle forever in its eternal resting place of peace:  your Father!
     I still believe that a day of understanding will come for each of us, however far away it may be.  We will understand as well see the tragedies that today darken and dampen the presence of heaven for us take their proper place in God's great plan--a plan so overwhelming, magnificent, and joyful, we will laugh with wonder and delight. Arthur Christopher Bacon

Chance has not brought this ill to me;
It's God's own hand, so let it be,
For He sees what I cannot see.
There is a purpose for each pain,
And He one day will make it plain
That earthly loss is heavenly gain.
Like as a piece of tapestry
Viewed from the back appears to be
Only threads tangled hopelessly;
But in the front a picture fair
Rewards the worker for his care,
Proving his skill and patience rare.
You are the Workman, I the frame.
Lord, for the glory of Your Name,
Perfect Your image on the same.


So, what is my response to this devotion?  Just like the young girl mentioned, with my lip trembling now and my eyes swimming in tears as I write, I believe that God took Chandler for His "good pleasure".  God is my Father and He didn't make a mistake.  For some reason, He needed Chandler.  Chandler's life here on earth was complete.  Do I approve of what God did?  No!  I hate that Chandler had to go.  God knows that.  I tell Him daily "I hate this!"  I don't understand why.  I go to God with that question often, "why?"  "Why Chandler?  Why do this to our family?  We are a close family.   Don't You know how badly this hurts us?"   Of course, I still don't get any answers and probably never will until I reach heaven.  God has a plan in all of this.  I can't wait until the day comes when I find out what that plan was.  Like it says in the devotion, "a plan so overwhelming, magnificent, and joyful, we will laugh with wonder and delight".  I can not ever imagine laughing at what has taken place.  But, I anxiously await that day.  I look forward to the day when I see how God's plan unfolds and when I see the wonder and delight in it all and I can laugh.  I can laugh in the presence of God and His plan and how wonderful and perfect it was.   Until that day, I'll continue to cry my eyes out.  I'll continue to question God and let Him know how badly I hurt.  But, I will also continue to trust Him.  I'm going to trust Him to comfort me and get me through each day until the day comes when I meet Him in heaven.  Then, God will take me and show me and tell me why He took Chandler at such a young age.  Then, I'll look Him in the face and laugh and say "I get it.  You were right."  And at that point the years of pain we spent on this earth won't matter.  We'll have eternity in heaven.  What a glorious day that will be!