A Disturbing Dream

I just don't get it!  Sometime in the wee hours of the morning, I woke up.  This time, it was a dream that woke me up.  I always want so badly to dream about Chandler.  I can't have him here with us so it would be nice to at least see him in a dream.  I've only had about 2 brief ones so far and neither was good.  Last night was the same thing.  The dream was longer but it wasn't pleasant at all.  It wasn't comforting.  It was very disturbing.  When I woke up, I got up to go check on the kids thinking that it might help me to get my mind off of what I had just experienced in the dream.  Then, I went back to bed.  My mind was going crazy.  I couldn't clear it.  My eyes watered with tears.  I was so close to just getting up and going to the other room to read or do something to distract myself for a while.  But, I didn't.  Instead, I laid in bed trying to think of everything I could to get my mind off of the dream so that I could go back to sleep.  Of course, it was really hard to do because what I really wanted was to know "why did I have that dream?"  I miss Chandler so much and it hurts so badly to not have him here with us.  Then, I have this dream that is so disturbing.  How is that helping me?  It's NOT!!  It makes me question things and wonder things that I should not be thinking about.  So, after a while, I was finally able to fall asleep and get a few more hours rest before I had to get up for the day.  Of course, since I've been up, my mind keeps drifting back to last night.  I've cried.  I've looked at Chandler's pictures.  I miss him so much!!  I hate that I had that dream.  I don't understand it.  Maybe, it's not supposed to mean anything but it was so upsetting to me that I can't help but wonder why my mind had to go there.  I just hope and pray it doesn't happen again.