God Showed Up

Carlie and I went to the grave today to remove Chandler's birthday balloon and add some Christmas ornaments to his flowers.  When we arrived, I noticed something that was attached to his flowers.  I hadn't even gotten out of the car yet when I saw it.  We walked over and noticed that there was a note folded up and placed inside a baggie.  It was hanging from the arrangement.  We took it out and briefly looked at it but we didn't read it.  I sat down and started working on the flowers and making the changes.  After I finished, I told Carlie I was going to read the note out loud for us and for Chandler.  It was a 2 page letter addressed to Chandler.  Through tears and quivering lips, I read the letter.  It was written by a dear friend of ours and it touched my heart. 

Let me pause here and say that the temperature outside today was pretty comfortable.  It was cool but not cold.  It was cloudy though.  The sun wasn't out. 

Okay, so back to our day.  At the end of the letter - and I mean, it was the end.  I read the last words of that letter and all of a sudden I felt heat on me.  All of a sudden, Carlie said "the sun just came out".  She wasn't saying it as if to just say that the sun is out and that's nice.  She was referring to the fact that we sat there at the grave with clouds above us and as I finished that letter, God cleared a spot and the sun was shining right on us.  I was amazed that she caught on to that so quickly.  We sat there looking at each other in awe and just smiling.  She even took a picture of me at that time and I didn't even realize it until I got home and looked through the pictures.  God showed up today.  It was a special time that Carlie and I experienced together and I will never forget it. 

I am so thankful that 7 years after Chandler's passing, God is still comforting us.  He shows up and surprises us like he did today and he helps us to continue on.  God is good.

Praise him for his mighty deeds; praise him according to his excellent greatness! Psalms 150:2

November 2017

November.  It's the month I usually dread.  It's the month that brings a lot of emotions.  It's not because things are easy the rest of the year.  It's just that I'm slapped in the face with the dates that changed our lives forever.  I can go back there as if it happened today.  I can do that any other day of the year as well and that does happen.  But, when I see the dates Nov. 13 & 14th, it's hard not to let my mind be consumed with what happened.

In addition to these dates, Chandler's birthday is just 4 days before.  So, on Nov. 9, we celebrate his birthday but it's done without him.  We still try to make the day all about Chandler.  This was his 23rd birthday.  We looked at pictures, watched some videos and had waffles and chocolate milk for dinner, which is a snack that Chandler often had at night time.

For yesterday and today, I did things a little differently.  I usually share everything I'm going through during these days on social media.  I didn't do that this year.  Other than sharing some scripture, I stayed to myself.  I felt like it was what I needed to do.  Once again, I survived the days.  I have to say that approaching these dates weren't as dreadful as they have been.  I knew they were coming but it didn't consume me.  I've been spending a lot of time lately just reading scripture.  I know that it has helped.  I also know that God has done a lot of work in me over the years to get me to this place.  Does it mean I'm ok now?  No!  I'll never be okay with the loss of Chandler.  Does it mean the grief is gone?  No!  I'll grieve for him until the day I go to heaven.  It does mean that I've finally realized that God does care for us.  He loves our family.  He has comforted me over the years even when I didn't feel like He was there.  He didn't call Chandler home to heaven to punish us.  I don't know why Chandler's days were short.  I don't know why he only made it to 16 years old.  I won't know that while I'm here on earth.  I do know that God loves Chandler. He knew before Chandler was born that he would be with us until he was 16.  When November, 2010 came, it didn't take God by surprise.  He welcomed Chandler with open arms.  We are the ones that were shocked!  And, it's so hard now because we miss him so much and each year that goes by makes it that much longer since we've touched him, talked to him, heard him mixing his chocolate milk in the kitchen, etc.  But, we could also look at it differently and say it's a year closer to when we will see him again. 

Yesterday was an okay day.  I tried to stay busy in order to keep my mind from reliving everything.  Then, we had friends who invited us out to dinner last night.  These friends have been so loving and supportive of us since day one.  They've been with us through it all.  The fact that they were willing to spend some of our day with us just makes me love them even more.  Also, with them, we are able to talk about Chandler.  And, that's what I love to do. 

When I woke up this morning, I had my quiet time.  I read and cried.  Then, I tried to go through the day as I normally would.  Around 10:30 this morning, someone knocked on our door.  I wondered who it could be.  No one comes to my door unless it's the mail man or something.  So, I answered the door.  A man stood there with flowers.  I brought them in the house and as soon as I read who it was addressed to, I lost it.  It said "Mom and Dad Coleman".  There was only one person it could be.  I opened the card and yes, it was from Caleb.  He shared a Bible verse with us.  It comes from Psalm 29:11 and says: The Lord gives strength to his people; the Lord blesses his people with peace.  Of all of the scriptures I've read over the past week, I had not read that one.  It was perfect and the fact that Caleb shared it with us meant everything.  So, I shared the verse later on FB.  Oh, and the flowers are beautiful and so special.  It touches my heart that Caleb thinks of us.  I mean, this has affected all of us.  He was there the day the accident happened.  Yet, he still tries to comfort us on these days.  He amazes me in many ways.  I am one blessed and proud mama. 

As these particular days come to an end, I am thankful. 

I am thankful for:

*family and friends who continue to pray for us and be there for us
*16 wonderful years that we had Chandler with us and the many memories
*all of my kids
*God's love, comfort and peace in knowing that we will spend eternity in heaven