God's Timing

God's timing never ceases to amaze me.  Today started out to be just a normal day.  But, as the day continued on, it began to change.  Needless to say, the last few years have been very emotional and stressful for our family.  The obvious reason is our loss of Chandler.  But, that's not all we've dealt with.  I'm not going to go into details here because it doesn't matter.  My point in bringing it up is because I handle my emotions and stress in my own way.  It's not always the best way.  I keep things to myself - a lot.  You would think I'm okay but then, something happens and it triggers a major blow up.  It's not pretty and I'm not proud of them.  Today, that happened.  The sad thing is that my young ones witnessed it.  Caleb will be happy to know that he was not here.  I have apologized to my kids for it.  After it was all over, I got on the treadmill and ran for a while.  I needed that!  While I was running, the mail was delivered.  So, after I finished my run, I went to check the mail.  This is where God's timing comes in. 

I received a piece of mail from our LifeNet Health Donor Family Advocate.  This is the lady who works as the liason between us (the donor family) and the donor recipient families.  We haven't heard anything from her in a while.  So, I opened the letter to start reading.  She shared some information with me about a local organization here in NC that we can be a part of.  Then, she included a note from one of the recipients that was written to us.  We've heard from this recipient before.  It's the recipient who received Chandler's lungs.  It was written several months ago.  It's short, but it's the sweetest, most heartfelt note.  Here's what it says:

"As Nov. 16 passes, I am compelled to thank you again for your decision to help me by donating your son's organs.  He saved my life!"

"I stood on the beach overlooking the Atlantic Ocean last month & thanked God for your family.  May He comfort & strengthen you this Thanksgiving."

After reading that note, I just wept.  The words that were written were perfect.  Chandler's lungs saved this person's life.  This person is living because of Chandler.  Of course, I wish so badly that Chandler was here.  But, the fact that his lungs are allowing another person to live is amazing to me.  In a small way, that is comforting.  And, the fact that the recipient stood at that beach and thanked God for our family and prayed for comfort and strength for us is just perfect.  We love the beach and for the recipient to let us know that she was at the beach just makes it so much more special.  I can almost imagine her standing there on that beach, breathing the fresh ocean air with Chandler's lungs as she thanks God.  What a beautiful picture that is!

I don't know why it took so long to receive this note.  But, God knew that today was the perfect day for us to get it.  I am truly thankful for this today. 

I know I've said it before but if you haven't considered organ donation, do it now.  When those organs are no longer of any use to you, they are very important to other people.  They can be a matter of life and death.  If you or someone you know needed an organ, you would want it to be available.  Donate Life! 

Mother's Day 2013

I've been sitting here this morning just thinking about Mother's Day.  I think about how blessed I am to have a wonderful mother.  She has loved me unconditionally my entire life.  Believe me, that hasn't been an easy task.  I have caused her heartache over the years.  I'm thankful that she didn't give up on me.  My mother has also grieved with me (and continues to do so).  That is something no mother wants to do.  But, unfortunately, it's the hand we've been dealt and we just continue to love each other through it. 

Then, I sit here thinking about myself as a mother.  It was back in 1993 that I actually became a mom.  Of course, my baby didn't make it to term so he or she is in heaven.  Then, my beautiful, Chandler was born in 1994.  Soon after, came Caleb.  5 years later, I became pregnant.  Once again, when approaching the 2nd trimester, the baby's heart stopped beating.  So, another one of our children went to heaven.  In 2004, we were blessed with the birth of Corben, a 3rd boy!  Soon after, in 2005, we received our baby girl.  I am blessed!  I have amazing children.  I don't know what I've done to deserve them but they make me the happiest mom ever.  The heartbreaking part is that Chandler is not here with us.  But, as I think back over the 16 years I had with him, I have some wonderful memories.  He made me laugh so hard.  To this day, he still does.  We'll think about something he did or said or we'll watch one of the movies he made and we'll just laugh.  He brought so much joy and laughter.  I miss that so much!  So, as Mother's Day approaches, I'm going to try and remember those great memories of Chandler while I enjoy my kids who are still with me on this earth.  It's hard on holidays like this because I want to be happy for Caleb, Corben and Carlie but then my broken heart just wants to weep over Chandler.  That's not fair to them.  So, I went to my room earlier and searched through some of Chandler's stuff.  I had a good cry.  I found a sweet note that he wrote me back in 2001 when he was 7 years old.  So, hopefully now I can give my kids the best mama that I can give them on Mother's Day.  I'll enjoy being with them and I'll remember my sweet Chandler and the memories I have. 

Lord, thank you so much for blessing me with such wonderful children.  Even with the loss I've experienced over 2 babies not making it full term and then losing Chandler at the young age of 16, I wouldn't trade it all for anything.  I always wanted to be a mom and you made that happen for me.  You've given them all to me for a period of time and only you know how much time that is.  As heartbreaking as it is, I have to accept it.  The 16 years we had with Chandler was the best 16 years ever!

Chandler, Caleb, Corben & Carlie,
I am so proud to be your mama.  I love you!!