Preparing to Move

In just 2 more days, we will leave Virginia and move to North Carolina.  We've been in this area now for almost 5 years.  We've experienced a lot since moving here.  We've had some amazing times here.  I have met some of the best friends I'll ever have since I've been here.  I know the friendships I've made since I moved here are lasting ones.  I am so thankful for each and every friend we've met here.  We have truly been blessed.

We've also had our worst days here.  This is where we had to say goodbye to Chandler as he left this world and went to heaven.  I never would have imagined that we would have to experience every parent's worst nightmare.

It has been 20 months now since Chandler passed away.  We've never been to the scene of the accident.  We knew it was something we would want to do one day but we've never been ready.  Well, since we're moving, we wanted to go there before we leave.  So, today was the day.  We met our dear friends, the McKinney's and they went with us.  We parked on the road and as soon as I got out of the car, my eyes began to tear up.  I hadn't even seen anything yet.  I just knew that it was going to be hard.  We walked to where Chandler's accident was.  There is a cross there.  Chandler's friend, Anna, had it made and it's perfect.  It's blue, which was Chandler's color.  It has a sweet message on it and then some of his closest friends, including his brother Caleb, have signed their names on it.  As we stood around, we talked about the accident.  The ones that were with Chandler that day shared some of what happened.  I thought I had heard everything.  But, I heard new things today that I didn't know about.  Those new pieces of information hurt.  It hurts because as I hear of what happened, I can not understand why Chandler didn't make it.  The way it all happened, you would think that he would have gone to the hospital with broken bones or something, been treated and then sent home to recover.  But, it didn't happen that way.  It was so much worse.  I don't believe I'll ever understand, at least not as long as I am this side of heaven.  As I stood there imagining my son laying there and waiting on an ambulance, my heart just ached.  I wished so badly that I could have been there with him, to hold him until the ambulance came.  But, I am thankful that Chandler had some wonderful people with him that day:  his brother, his best friend and her dad.  One of the new things I learned was that the dad laid there with Chandler in that ditch until the ambulance arrived.  As a mom, I can't even begin to explain how touched I was to hear that.  He was there loving and comforting my son and that means the world to me.  Chandler knew that he had people around him that loved him.  To David:  I know you would never want me to thank you for anything.  I am going to anyway.  First of all, you and your family have always loved on my children and treated them as your own.  But, when I heard you talking today about laying there with Chandler, that touched me more than you'll ever know.  Thank you for loving him.  Thank you for being there for him that day.  Chandler thought the world of you and your family.  He really loved y'all!  And, if we (his parents) couldn't be with him that day, then you were the next best thing! 

I am still so confused about the accident.  There are so many questions.  I know that if I knew the answers it wouldn't bring Chandler back.  For some reason, God took Chandler home.  I just can't imagine why.  It was also hard to see Corben & Carlie just standing there and walking around where the accident was. Chandler was an amazing brother and it breaks my heart that Corben and Carlie didn't have more time with him.  Then, there is Caleb, Anna and David who were there today.  They were with Chandler on that horrible day so I know it has to be hard on them to be there and remember that day.  I wasn't even there that day and just being there today has affected me.  I came home this evening and just broke down.  I just had to cry for a while. 

So, as I reflect on our years here in Roanoke, there is lots to think about.  We've grown to love it here.  I love all of our friends here.  I love being in our home where we have memories of Chandler.  I know we can take the memories with us but I like that I can walk into his bedroom and remember him there.  If I want to go to visit Chandler's grave, I can do that.  I won't be able to do that anymore.  I can still visit when I come  back here which will be often but it's not something I can just do if I wake up and feel the need to go.  So, tomorrow, as I go to the cemetery, it will be harder than the normal visit.