Whispers from Heaven

Today started out as just a typical day.  But, this afternoon was filled with quite a few surprises.  I had to take Caleb to his chemistry class.  After he was finished, I took him, Nathan (a friend who's visiting), Corben and Carlie and dropped them off at the church so that they could be there for Corben's Upward basketball practice.  I needed to come home and get some things done.  The first thing I did when I got home was check the mail.  I also noticed when I pulled up into my driveway that I had a package on my front porch.  So, I brought all of my mail in.  I started to open the mail.  There were several Christmas cards.  A couple of the cards brought tears to my eyes - a lot of tears!  Since Chandler went to heaven, I've been blessed with a lot of new friends.  These are special friends but I've never met them in person.  The sad thing is that we have become friends because we have all lost a child.  We are grieving moms.  Although most of us haven't met each other, we care for one another.  We keep in touch on a Facebook page where we leave messages of all kinds.  We share our pain, our beautiful memories of our children, our sadness, our encouragement to one another, our frustration, etc.  If we are having an especially bad day, we can go there and let it all out and we know that all of the other moms will be lifting us up in prayer for that day.  If we are having a good day or we've received a word from the Lord, we can go there and share with the others.  We remember our children's birthdays together and we also remember the days that they left us for heaven.  It is an amazing group of women.  It's just sad the way we met and what we all have in common.  I said all of that to say that one of those ladies sent me a beautiful card today with a bookmark in it that had a great poem.  It says: 

No Tears in Heaven

There are no tears in Heaven
  nor grief of any kind;
I leave this final teardrop
  to those I've left behind.

Though absent from the body,
  I'm present with the Lord;
  the joy of my salvation
  is now my full reward.

And just as God has promised,
  He's wiped my tears away,
and nothing can compare to
  the wonder of that day.

So keep me in your memory
  and know that up above
there are no tears in Heaven,
  instead there's only Love.

(Thank you Jan!)

I received another card from our next door neighbors from when we lived in Chesapeake.  I used to baby sit their boys.  They have sent us a Christmas card every year since we left Chesapeake back in 1999.  Last year, I received her card and realized that I hadn't told her about Chandler.  So, I had the difficult job of writing her a letter and telling her about what happened.  This year, in her card, she sent something.  She said she had enclosed some "memories".  There were several pictures of Chandler and Caleb with her 2 boys.  They were all so little.  Chandler and Caleb were only about 3 and 4 years old.  I just cried and cried looking at those pictures and remembering those times.  I was so touched that she sent them.  What a wonderful gift! 

I started to open the package that was on the porch.  It was from my family.  In it were some dragonflies for me to put on our Christmas tree.   There were some other special gifts.  My parents go to church with a lady who has also lost a son.  She has sent me several notes and things over the past year to encourage.  She's a little farther along in the grieving process so she takes what she has learned and helps others who are going through it.  She sent me a beautiful glass ornament with Chandler's name written on it.  In it is a feather and a poem attached that says: 

A feather from an angel 
is one we rarely see.
But this one is quite different
and special as can be.

The feather is a reminder
of God's unending love.
He sent a guardian angel
to watch you from above.

Every time you stumble,
every time you fall,
Thank God for His angels
who watch over us all.

She also sent a beautiful wind chime with an angel on top.  Chandler's name is written on the part that bangs against the chimes.  It also came with a poem:

Whispers from Heaven

When I left this world without you
I know it made you blue,
Your tears fell freely, I watched;
I know this is true.

While you were weeping,
Days after I passed away
While all was silent within me,
I saw you kneel to pray.

From this wonderful place called Heaven,
Where all my pain is gone,
I send a gentle breeze to whisper,
"My loved ones, please go on"

(Thank you Judy!  You are a blessing!)

I've put the new ornament on the tree as well as the dragonflies.  Also on our tree this year is a new ornament for each of us.  The other new ornaments we have this year are ones we have made.  We have Chandler's ornaments on their that people have given us as gifts.  I have his dove from one of his flower arrangements.  I have a strand of dragonfly lights on the tree as well and his hat that is topping our tree once again.  To me, it's the perfect tree!

Another interesting thing about this afternoon is that I was home alone.  All of these things came on a day where I could just enjoy them, think of Chandler and cry.  I cried and cried.  The timing was perfect.  There were no distractions.  I was just able to be in the midst of all of these special things by myself.  I feel like all of these things were "whispers from heaven" for me today.  I feel like I had Christmas today and the best thing is I feel like these gifts were from Chandler.  I needed this afternoon and I'm very thankful that God worked it all out this way.

I love you Chandler!

Resolutions for Bereaved Parents

I received the following in an email today:

 

Resolutions for Bereaved Parents:

I will grieve as much and for as long as I feel like grieving, and I will not let others put a time table on my grief.

I will grieve in whatever way I feel like grieving, and I will ignore those who try to tell me what I should or should not be feeling and how I should or should not be behaving.

I will cry whenever and wherever I feel like crying, and I will not hold back my tears just because someone else feels I should be "brave" or "getting better" or "healing by now."

I will talk about my child as often as I want to, and I will not let others turn me off just because they can't deal with their own feelings.

I will not expect family and friends to know how I feel, understanding that one who has not lost a child cannot possibly know how it feels.

I will not blame myself for my child's death, and I will constantly remind myself that I did the best job of parenting I could possibly have done.  But when feelings of guilt are overwhelming me, I will remind myself that this is a normal part of the grief process and it will pass.

I will not be afraid or ashamed to seek professional help if I feel it is necessary.

I will commune with my child at least once a day in whatever way feels comfortable and natural to me, and I won't feel compelled to explain this communication to others or to justify--or even discuss it--with them.

I will try to eat, sleep and exercise every day in order to give my body strength it will need to help me cope with my grief.

I will know that I am not losing my mind and I will remind myself that loss of memory, feelings of disorientation, lack of energy and a sense of vulnerability are all normal parts of the grief process.

I know that I will heal, even though it will take a long time.  I will let myself heal and not feel guilty about feeling better when it starts to happen.

I will remind myself that the grief process is circuitous--that is, I will not make steady upward progress.  And when I find myself slipping back into the old moods of despair and depression, I will tell myself that "slipping backward" is also a normal part of the grief process, and these moods, too, will pass.

Holiday Bill of Rights

I received an email today that had the Holiday Bill of Rights for those who are grieving.  It was found in a grief newsletter that someone received.  It is perfect and I wanted to be sure that I always had it so I'm sharing it here. 


 

HOLIDAY BILL of RIGHTS 

1. You have the right to say TIME OUT, any time you need to. Time out to let

up, blow a little steam, step away from the holidays, have a "huddle" time

and start over.

2. You have a right to TELL IT LIKE IT IS when people ask, How are you? You

have a right to tell them how you REALLY feel, not just what they want to

hear. *You need to take care of yourself. Be attuned to your feelings (*P.S.

You also have the right to smile and say you're fine, because telling them how

you really feel, isn't worth your time - some people will never understand

anyway)

3. You have the right to SOME "BAH HUMBUG" DAYS. You don't have to be "Jolly

Old St. Nicholas" all the time. You are not a bad person just because you

don't feel like singing Christmas carols all day.

4. You have the right to DO THINGS DIFFERENTLY. There is no law that says

you must always do Chanukah and Christmas the same way. You can send 10

cards instead of 100 -- or no cards at all. You can open presents at

somebody else's house. You can do without a tree. You can have a pizza

instead of turkey!-the list is endless.

5. You have the right to BE WHERE YOU WANT TO BE. Be at home, or at the

relatives or with friends. Be in any city, any state you choose! NOBODY SAID

YOU HAVE TO HAVE SNOW TO HAVE CHRISTMAS. There's no law that says you must

stay home!

6. You have the right to have SOME FUN. Don't be afraid of what someone will

say if they see you laughing and having a good time. Laughter is every bit

as therapeutic as tears. If you are doing something that your loved one

would have also enjoyed, think of their laughter and feel their laughter

inside of you.

7. You have the right to CHANGE DIRECTION IN MID-STREAM. Grief is

unpredictable. You may be all ready to go somewhere or do something and be

suddenly overwhelmed, immobilized. When that happens it's okay to change

your mind.

8. You have the right to DO THINGS AT DIFFERENT TIMES. Go to church or

synagogue at a different time. Open presents at a different time. Serve your

meal at a different time. Give up and go to bed at a different time. Don't

be a slave to the holiday clock.

9. You have the right to REST, PEACE, and SOLITUDE. You don't need to be

busy all the time. Take a nap whenever you need one. Take time to pray and

meditate or recharge your spirit, it can do you much more good than eating

another huge meal.

10. You have the right TO DO IT ALL DIFFERENT AGAIN NEXT YEAR.  Just because you change things one year or try something different, does not mean you have written it in stone. Next year, you can always change it back or do it, in yet, another new way.