This morning, I made one of the desserts that Chandler always liked. It's very simple and I've talked about it before, here on the blog. It's just brownies with powdered sugar on top. But, anytime we make them, it brings back memories of Chandler. We see those brownies and we see Chandler.
On our birthdays, we try to have a birthday meal and let the one who has the birthday choose where they want to go. Chandler would have wanted Mexican food. So, we went to have Mexican food for lunch today. We ordered chicken fajitas, which is what Chandler usually ordered. We even asked if we could sit at the large corner booth even though it was just the 4 of us. When all 6 of us were together, we always sit at the big corner booth at the Mexican restaurant we ate at when we were in Virginia. So, sitting in a similar booth just brought back more memories. I could imagine Chandler, Caleb, Corben and Carlie all sitting there today.
We were also able to talk to Caleb today. He called. It's always good to hear his voice. He was planning to go eat Mexican tonight for dinner.
I wanted to do something different today. We don't usually put our Christmas stuff up this early but I wanted to do something to make a new memory on Chandler's day So, I thought, let's just put a Christmas tree up. Here's our dilemma. We are living in an apartment right now and there isn't any extra floor space anywhere. So, I started searching for things to do. We decided to have a space saver wall Christmas tree this year. So, that's what we made. We spent the afternoon making our tree and then decorating it with our ornaments. I really think that Chandler would like this tree.
This evening, we sat and watched some of the movies that Chandler made. We always enjoy watching them and remembering the times when Chandler was working on them. He had so much fun producing, editing and directing his movies. Corben and Carlie were usually his actors and they have some great memories of those days with Chandler. I laughed and cried watching those movies. I always do. Chandler had a great sense of humor so he usually made sure that something was funny in his movies. Sometimes you won't see him in the movies, but in the end he would have bloopers and you can hear his voice and laughter. Now, that's what makes me cry every time. I miss his voice. I miss his laughter.
I also had a friend visit Chandler's grave today. She added a "birthday" touch to his flowers. It means so much to me to have such an amazing friend take time to go visit Chandler's memorial site. I can't be there right now so knowing that she is there really makes me feel better.
Earlier this week, I was talking with someone about these upcoming days; Chandler's birthday and the anniversary of when he went to Heaven. She didn't know much about him so we talked about him. I shared a lot about him. During that conversation, I realized I need to be more like Chandler in a lot of ways. Chandler was happy. He loved to laugh. He took things that weren't always great and he made them fun anyway. For example, he was given the job of digging a ditch in our back yard years ago, for drainage. It wasn't an easy job. It was hard work. He set the video camera up and videoed himself digging that ditch. Then, he edited it, added music to it and sped it up. It is one of our favorite videos of him. He is in the whole video. So, we get to sit and watch him digging the ditch and having fun while doing it. I remember another time that he was mopping the kitchen. He picked the mop up and propped it on his shoulder, doing something goofy and having some fun. I don't remember what he did but I do know that I took a picture of it. I can see him in that kitchen right now. Those are just a few examples of things he did. He made the best out of everything. So, while I was sharing these things with this person the other day, I remembered a quote of Chandler's. A friend of his shared this with me sometime after Chandler passed away. It was something he told her one time. I have it saved in my phone. So, I read it to the person I was talking to. Chandler addressed his friend and said, "Life is awesome. Even when it's not awesome, it's awesome." That quote hit me the other day in a way that it never has. It defines who Chandler was. If something wasn't going so well, he still saw good in things. He chose to be happy and content in all things. He chose laughter. He didn't let bad days or negative things get the best of him. I can't say that I do that. I can drop something in the kitchen and then be in an irritable mood for a while. What is that doing for me? It's not doing anything good, that's for sure. So, as I sat there talking and really thinking about Chandler and how he was and the wisdom in his quote, I just wept. I realized that I want to be more like Chandler. I want to choose happiness. I want to see good in things. I believe he would want that from us. Chandler taught me something this week and I'm thankful for it. It was as if he was in that room the other day saying "Mom, wake up! Life is still awesome, even when you think it's not." I won't be perfect at trying to do this. But, I'm going to try and see more positive in things.
Happy Birthday, Chandler! I love you and miss you so much! Infinity!
