I haven't written in a long time. But, something happened last night that I want to record here and keep. This morning has been an emotional one. Once I got Corben and Carlie ready and out the door for school, I just sat down and lost it. It's been a bittersweet cry. Since Chandler went to heaven, I've wanted so badly to dream about him. I just want to see his face and if I can get that in a dream, I'll take it. Over the course of 4 1/2 years, that hasn't happened often. I've only had about 3 and they haven't been pleasant. They are usually disturbing and end up upsetting me and they don't usually bring me any comfort. Sometime during the night last night, I was dreaming. I don't know where we were and it doesn't matter. I remember we were sitting at a table. I had my head turned to the right talking to someone. When I turned to my left, Chandler was sitting right next to me. It was so clear. He looked so good and so handsome. I remember being so excited in the dream that I was hyperventilating. I touched him. I hugged him. I kissed him. He was so real in that moment and it was wonderful! It was so sweet to have him right there next to me. As I sit here writing this now, I can't help but weep. I'm so happy to have seen him so clearly in that dream. But, I miss him so much, it hurts! I am so thankful for that dream.
Chandler, I love you so much. I always will. You are always in my thoughts. We talk about you often and always will. You are, and always will be, part of this family. We have so many sweet memories of you and I'm so thankful that you loved to make movies. Having your movies here with us is a treasure.
