This is for me

Today's blog is going to be about a touchy subject.  So many people have different opinions about what I'm going to write about today.  I'm not sure how people will respond to this.  I'm not sure what people will think of me after reading this.  But, this is part of the journey I'm on and I need to write about it.  Even though this blog is open for others to read it, it is still be written for me and my family.

Today's subject is about tattoos.  For over a year now, I have considered getting a tattoo.  I've never really had a desire to get one so this feeling was something new.  But, I didn't know what to get so I've just waited for something to come along that I knew I would want.  Well, after Chandler's accident, I immediately told Chad that I definitely wanted a tattoo now and I wanted it to be about Chandler.  But, I still didn't know what to do.  So, I waited until some idea came to me.  Well, after I read the story of the dragonfly, I knew I wanted a dragonfly as part of it.  I didn't know what else I wanted so I just kept thinking about it.  Back in January, I went and met with a tattoo artist and talked about my plan and what I wanted.  Finally, after lots of correspondence with the artist, I had an appointment scheduled for yesterday.  I was so excited.  I never thought I could be so excited over a tattoo.  But, I have been so eager for this day to arrive.

I had friends meet me and be with me while I got the tattoo.  I'm so thankful they were with me.  We just talked, laughed and carried on the entire time.  I ended up getting 2 tattoos.  It was only going to be one but after thinking about it, there was a part of the original tattoo that I wanted to be on it's own.  So, the first tattoo the artist did was on the inside of my wrist.  I had taken him one of Chandler's school papers with Chandler's name written on it.  He made a copy of it and did a tattoo of Chandler's name (in his handwriting) on my wrist.  It's on there in a way that when I look at it, I can read it.  It's not for anybody else, but me.  I am so happy with it.  I'm able to look down at my wrist and see Chandler's handwriting.  It's amazing!  It looks like Chandler has just written his name on my wrist. 

So, after he finished my wrist, he set the stuff up for the other tattoo.  The next one I had done on the top of my foot.  It's a dragonfly (which represents Chandler) with 6 stars around it.  The 6 stars, which are colored in ways that are similar to our birthstones, represent the rest of our immediate family who are still here.  The stars represent myself, Chad, Alex, Caleb, Corben & Carlie.  It looks so good.  It's very colorful and pretty.
I have been amazed at how happy I am about what I did.  These tattoos have meaning behind them and they are special to me.  They are about my son, who I miss terribly.  I actually took Chandler's picture with me when I got the tattoos.

I realize people have so many different opinions about a tattoo.  But, for me, this was the right thing to do.  I am at peace with this decision.  I don't regret this decision at all.  For those who aren't in agreement with what I did, I do hope that instead of judging me that you'll understand why I did this.  This is about me and my son.  When I look at my wrist and see Chandler's handwriting, I have the most amazing feeling come over me.  These tattoos are very meaningful to me.  This is for me!