Today we went to a ceremony given by Life Net to remember loved ones who were organ/tissue/eye donors. When we arrived, we went in and got our name tags. We walked into another room where there was a table set up with pictures that some had brought of their loved one. Of course, I had my picture of Chandler with me and I asked if there was room for me to place it. There was. So, I sat it on the table and a lady placed a card beside it with Chandler's name on it. We went into another room where we sat and waited on the ceremony to start.
They started the ceremony off by welcoming all of us and talking a little bit about what was going to take place. As I sat there, my mind was taken over by thoughts. My thoughts were "I can't believe I'm here. I can't believe I'm doing this. I can't believe I'm at a ceremony to remember my son who has donated organs." How did we get here? Never, in a million years, would I have thought any of this would be happening. Then, they started to recognize families of loved ones who were donors back the in the 1990's. After that, they moved on to the years 2000-2005. From there, they went from 2006-2009. During these times, if you were a family member there representing your donor you could walk down to the front where they would give you a flower. Then the family member would place the flower into a flower vase. At the end of the ceremony, there would be a beautiful bouquet of flowers. When they reached the 2010 year, they called out the donors names. They were called out in alphabetical order and there were so many names. Chad suggested that I go down and put the flower into the vase when it came our turn. I listened carefully as they called out names. Then, I heard it - "C. Chandler Coleman, Jr." I got up, took Carlie's hand and she walked with me to the front. I obviously had tears in my eyes. We walked down and we were given a flower and we placed it in the vase and then walked back to our seat. We sat there and continued to listen as they called out all of the other 2010 donor names. After all of the names were called, they played a slide show with photos of the 2010 donors that families had sent in. Under each donor picture was their date of birth and date of death. There was a range of ages: infants, children, teens, adults. The slide show was also done in alphabetical order. When the picture of Chandler showed up on that large screen, Chad and I both just cried. Here we are looking at the picture of our handsome son who is no longer with us. It hurts so badly! It's still so hard to comprehend everything. After the slide show, a mom shared the story of her 25 year old son who died 3 years ago. He was a healthy, college student who was involved in sports. He had a brain injury and was pronounced brain dead a week after his accident. So, that obviously hit close to home with us. After the donor mom spoke, the next speaker was a mom of a tissue transplant recipient. Her daughter who had received tissue was 14 and she was there as well. After hearing from the speakers, they had a reception for us and then it was over. We were given a keepsake book of the 2010 donors. The book includes photos of the donors and a small write up about them from their family.
I'm glad we went to the ceremony. But, there were times when I really struggled with it. The Life Net workers would talk about how these donors are such heroes. They've saved lives with what they have done. I understand what they are saying. I also agree that these donors are heroes. My son is a hero. He has saved lives. His heart is beating inside of an 11 year old girl. That's a good thing. I am happy for that little girl. But, I sat there thinking - I don't want to hear all of this 'hero' stuff. I don't want to be participating in these Life Net ceremonies. I don't want to be thinking about the lives of the people that are being saved. What I want is the life of my son back!!!! I want his life to be saved! I want our family to feel complete again.
I'm sure some of those feelings will change over time. This is all still so fresh to us. The lady who shared about her 25 year old son's death has met one of the recipients of his organs. He's a young guy. He even resembled her son. The guy who received her son's organ now has a 2 year old son of his own and the donor's mom has a relationship with them. She keeps in touch with this guy who is carrying her son's organ. I loved hearing that in her story. She even said that when she hugged the guy for the first time, he felt like her son. That had to be an amazing feeling for her. To be hugging this young man who has a part of her son in him. I hope and pray we are able to experience something like that one day with Chandler's recipients.
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