4 months in the cloud

Today, March 14 means that it has been 4 months since Chandler went to heaven.  These anniversary dates seem to be so hard.  They really make you think about the "time".  4 months!  Sometimes, it seems like forever!  I can't believe it's been that long since the horrible accident.  Yet 4 months is really not that long compared to forever here on earth without him.  That's what hurts so badly.  The 4 months is killing me but I have so much longer to go.  I would give anything if I could go back to Nov. 13, 2010 and change the course of that day.  But, I know that's not possible.  I also know that our lives are in God's hands.  If God's will for Chandler was for his life to be over on Nov. 14, then there is nothing I can do to change that.  I believe God gives us life and takes it away.  I have to trust Him in this and look forward to the day when He will reveal his ways to me.  I look forward to that day!  So, on this day, I just have to look to the Lord for some extra comfort.  As I write this and read it, I realize I'm making it sound like it's so easy to do.  But, it's not!  That's why tears just roll down my face right now as I write because I know how hard that is to do.  It's hard to look at Chandler's picture and want to touch him but I can't.  It's hard to look at his hat that is in my bedroom and know that he will never wear it again.  It's hard to see the mold of his hand print beside my bed and know that while I can put my hand in that hand print (and I do), I'll never be able to feel his touch again.  So, as I try and get through this day, I will be turning to the Lord.  I know He will get me through it.

As I read my devotion this morning, it seemed to be written to me for this day.  It's amazing how that works out sometimes. 

Moses approached the thick darkness where God was.  (Exodus 20:21)

     God still has His secrets - hidden from "the wise and learned" (Luke 10:21).  Do not fear these unknown things, but be content to accept the things you cannot understand and to wait patiently.  In due time He will reveal the treasures of the unknown to you - the riches of the glory of the mystery.  Recognize that the mystery is simply the veil covering God's face.
     Do not be afraid to enter the cloud descending on your life, for God is in it.  And the other side is radiant with His glory.  "Do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you.  But rejoice that you participate in the suffering of Christ" (1 Peter 4:12-13).  When you feel the most forsaken and lonely, God is near.  He is in the darkest cloud.  Forge ahead into the darkness without flinching, knowing that under the shelter of the cloud, God is waiting for you. selected

   Have you a cloud?
Something that is dark and full of dread:
A messenger of tempest overhead?
A something that is darkening the sky;
A something growing darker by and by;
A something that you're fearful will burst at last;
A cloud that does a deep, long shadow cast?
   God's coming in that cloud.

   Have you a cloud?
It is Jehovah's triumph car: in this
He's riding to you, o'er the wide abyss
It is the robe in which He wraps His form;
For He does dress Him with the flashing storm.
It is the veil in which He hides the light
Of His fair face, too dazzling for your sight.
   God's coming in that cloud.

   Have you a cloud?
A trial that is terrible to thee?
A dark temptation threatening to see?
A loss of some dear one long your own?
A mist, a veiling, bringing the unknown?
A mystery that insubstantial seems:
A cloud between you and the sun's bright beams?
   God's coming in that cloud.

   Have you a cloud? 
A sickness - weak old age - distress and death?
These clouds will scatter at your last faint breath.
Fear not the clouds that hover o'er your boat,
Making the harbor's entrance woeful to float;
The cloud of death, though misty, chill and cold,
Will yet grow radiant with a fringe of gold.
   GOD'S coming in that cloud.

     A man once stood on a high peak of the Rocky Mountains watching a raging storm below.  As he watched, an eagle came up through the clouds and soared away toward the sun.  The water on its wings glistened in the sunlight like diamonds.  If not for the storm, the eagle might have remained in the valley.  In the same way, the sorrows of life cause us to rise toward God.