This weekend has been so busy. But, it wasn't too busy for me to be able to forget what this day meant. And, that is that it has been 6 months since we've had to say goodbye to Chandler. I had to take Corben and drop him off at a friend's house for a birthday party today. I was going to do some running around while he was at the party. Caleb didn't want to stay home so he went with me while Chad stayed home with Carlie. After we dropped Corben off, Caleb and I went to the grocery store and I bought 2 small balloons to put in the arrangement at Chandler's grave. They just said "I love You" on them. I noticed as soon as we parked at the cemetery that the grave looked different. The difference is that the grass is growing. It has been just dirt and seed. But, the seeds are starting to produce grass. I honestly didn't like it. I didn't like the change. I told Chad about the grass when we got home and I showed him a picture. He asked me what I thought about it. I told him "it means it has been 6 months". That is why I didn't like the change. It means that Chandler has been gone long enough for the grass to start growing. That was hard for me accept. I added the 2 balloons to the arrangement and Caleb and I just stood there in silence for a while. As we stood there, I couldn't help but think about the weather for today. It has been gray and dreary all day. It looked like it was going to rain all day. But, it didn't until we were on the way to the cemetery. We were almost there and it started with a light drizzle. The weather was just fitting for the way I felt. It was gray and gloomy. So, as Caleb and I stood there in the drizzle, it just seemed like the angels were crying with us. It continued to rain for the next few hours.
Caleb and I went to the mall and killed some time while we waited on time to pick Corben up. After we picked Corben up, we headed home to get everybody ready to go back out again. We had a youth function tonight at the church with the youth and their families. While we were driving to the church, it was still raining. The sky was still gray. But, as we approached the church, there was something different. It was still raining but the sun was shining as bright as it could be. Chandler always enjoyed being at church and doing things with the youth group. Caleb is the same way. So, when we approached the church today and the sun was so bright as it continued to rain, I just felt like it was God's way of sending His love.
After eating dinner and playing some games, we (the youth & families) were asked to go downstairs to the youth suite for a presentation. We all went downstairs and sat. One of our youth who is close friend of Chandler and Caleb's had made a video to show on Chandler's 6 month anniversary in heaven. He had pictures and video of Chandler in it. He also had asked some of Chandler's friends and youth leaders to share something that they missed about Chandler. Thank you Zack! You did a great job! After the video, we were asked to walk to another room where they presented a picture that was hung on the wall in the youth suite. In the frame is a photo of Chandler and the drawing that Chandler drew a few years ago of the hand of Jesus holding the hand of a little boy. It is titled "Jesus and me". It is also engraved with "In the hands of God" and then it has Chandler's name, birth and death dates. It also has the words "No grave gonna hold my spirit down" on it which comes from a song by the Newsboys that was played at his funeral. It was put together so nicely. It is beautiful but emotional to look at. I mean, there is a memorial of my son hanging in the youth suite. I wish he was here instead, hanging out with his friends and most importantly hanging out here with his family.
We received a special gift tonight from a very special family. They gave us a book they thought the kids would enjoy. It is titled Ten Boys Who Made a Difference by Irene Howat. Well, this book has a special addition to it. In the back of the book, our friend added an 11th Boy. It is Chandler. There is a picture of him and a story about him and how he has made a difference. It is so special and I will cherish it forever. So, we're going to start reading about these 10 boys to Corben & Carlie and when we reach the end of the book, we'll read the story of their brother. Perfect! Thank you dear friends! We love and cherish you always!!
Chandler, I miss you terribly. I miss you more and more every day. I love you with all that is in me and I always will! Forever your mom.
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