God's timing never ceases to amaze me. Today started out to be just a normal day. But, as the day continued on, it began to change. Needless to say, the last few years have been very emotional and stressful for our family. The obvious reason is our loss of Chandler. But, that's not all we've dealt with. I'm not going to go into details here because it doesn't matter. My point in bringing it up is because I handle my emotions and stress in my own way. It's not always the best way. I keep things to myself - a lot. You would think I'm okay but then, something happens and it triggers a major blow up. It's not pretty and I'm not proud of them. Today, that happened. The sad thing is that my young ones witnessed it. Caleb will be happy to know that he was not here. I have apologized to my kids for it. After it was all over, I got on the treadmill and ran for a while. I needed that! While I was running, the mail was delivered. So, after I finished my run, I went to check the mail. This is where God's timing comes in.
I received a piece of mail from our LifeNet Health Donor Family Advocate. This is the lady who works as the liason between us (the donor family) and the donor recipient families. We haven't heard anything from her in a while. So, I opened the letter to start reading. She shared some information with me about a local organization here in NC that we can be a part of. Then, she included a note from one of the recipients that was written to us. We've heard from this recipient before. It's the recipient who received Chandler's lungs. It was written several months ago. It's short, but it's the sweetest, most heartfelt note. Here's what it says:
"As Nov. 16 passes, I am compelled to thank you again for your decision to help me by donating your son's organs. He saved my life!"
"I stood on the beach overlooking the Atlantic Ocean last month & thanked God for your family. May He comfort & strengthen you this Thanksgiving."
After reading that note, I just wept. The words that were written were perfect. Chandler's lungs saved this person's life. This person is living because of Chandler. Of course, I wish so badly that Chandler was here. But, the fact that his lungs are allowing another person to live is amazing to me. In a small way, that is comforting. And, the fact that the recipient stood at that beach and thanked God for our family and prayed for comfort and strength for us is just perfect. We love the beach and for the recipient to let us know that she was at the beach just makes it so much more special. I can almost imagine her standing there on that beach, breathing the fresh ocean air with Chandler's lungs as she thanks God. What a beautiful picture that is!
I don't know why it took so long to receive this note. But, God knew that today was the perfect day for us to get it. I am truly thankful for this today.
I know I've said it before but if you haven't considered organ donation, do it now. When those organs are no longer of any use to you, they are very important to other people. They can be a matter of life and death. If you or someone you know needed an organ, you would want it to be available. Donate Life!
Friday, May 24, 2013
Saturday, May 11, 2013
Mother's Day 2013
I've been sitting here this morning just thinking about Mother's Day. I think about how blessed I am to have a wonderful mother. She has loved me unconditionally my entire life. Believe me, that hasn't been an easy task. I have caused her heartache over the years. I'm thankful that she didn't give up on me. My mother has also grieved with me (and continues to do so). That is something no mother wants to do. But, unfortunately, it's the hand we've been dealt and we just continue to love each other through it.
Then, I sit here thinking about myself as a mother. It was back in 1993 that I actually became a mom. Of course, my baby didn't make it to term so he or she is in heaven. Then, my beautiful, Chandler was born in 1994. Soon after, came Caleb. 5 years later, I became pregnant. Once again, when approaching the 2nd trimester, the baby's heart stopped beating. So, another one of our children went to heaven. In 2004, we were blessed with the birth of Corben, a 3rd boy! Soon after, in 2005, we received our baby girl. I am blessed! I have amazing children. I don't know what I've done to deserve them but they make me the happiest mom ever. The heartbreaking part is that Chandler is not here with us. But, as I think back over the 16 years I had with him, I have some wonderful memories. He made me laugh so hard. To this day, he still does. We'll think about something he did or said or we'll watch one of the movies he made and we'll just laugh. He brought so much joy and laughter. I miss that so much! So, as Mother's Day approaches, I'm going to try and remember those great memories of Chandler while I enjoy my kids who are still with me on this earth. It's hard on holidays like this because I want to be happy for Caleb, Corben and Carlie but then my broken heart just wants to weep over Chandler. That's not fair to them. So, I went to my room earlier and searched through some of Chandler's stuff. I had a good cry. I found a sweet note that he wrote me back in 2001 when he was 7 years old. So, hopefully now I can give my kids the best mama that I can give them on Mother's Day. I'll enjoy being with them and I'll remember my sweet Chandler and the memories I have.
Lord, thank you so much for blessing me with such wonderful children. Even with the loss I've experienced over 2 babies not making it full term and then losing Chandler at the young age of 16, I wouldn't trade it all for anything. I always wanted to be a mom and you made that happen for me. You've given them all to me for a period of time and only you know how much time that is. As heartbreaking as it is, I have to accept it. The 16 years we had with Chandler was the best 16 years ever!
Chandler, Caleb, Corben & Carlie,
I am so proud to be your mama. I love you!!
Then, I sit here thinking about myself as a mother. It was back in 1993 that I actually became a mom. Of course, my baby didn't make it to term so he or she is in heaven. Then, my beautiful, Chandler was born in 1994. Soon after, came Caleb. 5 years later, I became pregnant. Once again, when approaching the 2nd trimester, the baby's heart stopped beating. So, another one of our children went to heaven. In 2004, we were blessed with the birth of Corben, a 3rd boy! Soon after, in 2005, we received our baby girl. I am blessed! I have amazing children. I don't know what I've done to deserve them but they make me the happiest mom ever. The heartbreaking part is that Chandler is not here with us. But, as I think back over the 16 years I had with him, I have some wonderful memories. He made me laugh so hard. To this day, he still does. We'll think about something he did or said or we'll watch one of the movies he made and we'll just laugh. He brought so much joy and laughter. I miss that so much! So, as Mother's Day approaches, I'm going to try and remember those great memories of Chandler while I enjoy my kids who are still with me on this earth. It's hard on holidays like this because I want to be happy for Caleb, Corben and Carlie but then my broken heart just wants to weep over Chandler. That's not fair to them. So, I went to my room earlier and searched through some of Chandler's stuff. I had a good cry. I found a sweet note that he wrote me back in 2001 when he was 7 years old. So, hopefully now I can give my kids the best mama that I can give them on Mother's Day. I'll enjoy being with them and I'll remember my sweet Chandler and the memories I have.
Lord, thank you so much for blessing me with such wonderful children. Even with the loss I've experienced over 2 babies not making it full term and then losing Chandler at the young age of 16, I wouldn't trade it all for anything. I always wanted to be a mom and you made that happen for me. You've given them all to me for a period of time and only you know how much time that is. As heartbreaking as it is, I have to accept it. The 16 years we had with Chandler was the best 16 years ever!
Chandler, Caleb, Corben & Carlie,
I am so proud to be your mama. I love you!!
Thursday, April 11, 2013
A Meeting with the Marine Recruiters
Today's blog will be very different because it is mainly about Caleb.
Since Caleb was 12 or 13 years old, he has talked about joining the Marines one day. Well, today was his first step toward that. We had 2 wonderful, young Marines come to our house today and visit for 2 1/2 hours. When they first sat down, the Sergeant asked me and Chad what we thought about Caleb possibly joining. I let Chad answer first. Then, I told them what I thought. I told them that I will support Caleb in whatever he wants to do. But, as a mother, this is hard for me. I want my children right here with me (or at least close by). I also told them that I'm a little more nervous about it because of our oldest son's passing. I do fear the possible danger with joining the military. I also told them that I don't want him being yelled at and being made to do all of those hard things at bootcamp. (I got a little laugh out of that one). I just told them that's the mama in me. I also told them that if they could guarantee to me that he would be safe throughout his whole Marine Corp career then I would be just fine with it.
We asked questions and they answered. They shared with us their stories, how long they've been in, their jobs, etc.
Caleb was given a test to take while they were here. It's a shorter version of another test he'll have to take if he proceeds on. While he took the test in the kitchen, we continued to sit in the other room and talk to the Marines. After Caleb was finished with the test, the Sergeant checked the test. He had previously told Caleb the score that he needed to make in order to pass. That score was 32. Well, Caleb made a 65. They seemed a little shocked (in a good way). They said that the average score on that test is usually a 16! So, Caleb did great on the test.
I had to look at several pages of medical conditions to let them know if Caleb had any of them. One page was a long list of things that will prevent you from joining the Marines. I read each and every one. When I finished and went on to the next page, the Sergeant let a huge sigh of relief. He said he was thankful that I was off of that page and didn't find any medical reason for Caleb not to join. I said "Oh, believe me, I tried to find a reason." And, we got a laugh out of that.
We continued on and he talked with Caleb about reasons why he wanted to join. They liked every answer he gave.
The visit with these men was great. They were easy to talk to. They answered all of the questions we had. They weren't pushy in any way. I actually feel better having talked with them.
So, what's the next step? Right now, we wait on Caleb to make his final decision. Whatever he chooses we will support. If he signs up soon, he would more than likely go to book camp around October or November of this year! That's just months away! Of course, he doesn't have to sign up now. It's all in Caleb's hands. I know that this is what Caleb wants to do. It's just all about timing right now. Caleb may want to go ahead and sign up or he may decide to wait a while longer. The Sergeant will call in a few days to check on him.
It's just hard for me to believe that we are at this point. It seems like yesterday that he was born. Now, he's nearing the age of 18 and possibly joining the service. Where has the time gone?
I do know that I am so proud of Caleb. He is growing into an amazing young man. I was listening to him talk today and answer questions and he just talks like he's so much older than he is. He is a wise, young man.
Since Caleb was 12 or 13 years old, he has talked about joining the Marines one day. Well, today was his first step toward that. We had 2 wonderful, young Marines come to our house today and visit for 2 1/2 hours. When they first sat down, the Sergeant asked me and Chad what we thought about Caleb possibly joining. I let Chad answer first. Then, I told them what I thought. I told them that I will support Caleb in whatever he wants to do. But, as a mother, this is hard for me. I want my children right here with me (or at least close by). I also told them that I'm a little more nervous about it because of our oldest son's passing. I do fear the possible danger with joining the military. I also told them that I don't want him being yelled at and being made to do all of those hard things at bootcamp. (I got a little laugh out of that one). I just told them that's the mama in me. I also told them that if they could guarantee to me that he would be safe throughout his whole Marine Corp career then I would be just fine with it.
We asked questions and they answered. They shared with us their stories, how long they've been in, their jobs, etc.
Caleb was given a test to take while they were here. It's a shorter version of another test he'll have to take if he proceeds on. While he took the test in the kitchen, we continued to sit in the other room and talk to the Marines. After Caleb was finished with the test, the Sergeant checked the test. He had previously told Caleb the score that he needed to make in order to pass. That score was 32. Well, Caleb made a 65. They seemed a little shocked (in a good way). They said that the average score on that test is usually a 16! So, Caleb did great on the test.
I had to look at several pages of medical conditions to let them know if Caleb had any of them. One page was a long list of things that will prevent you from joining the Marines. I read each and every one. When I finished and went on to the next page, the Sergeant let a huge sigh of relief. He said he was thankful that I was off of that page and didn't find any medical reason for Caleb not to join. I said "Oh, believe me, I tried to find a reason." And, we got a laugh out of that.
We continued on and he talked with Caleb about reasons why he wanted to join. They liked every answer he gave.
The visit with these men was great. They were easy to talk to. They answered all of the questions we had. They weren't pushy in any way. I actually feel better having talked with them.
So, what's the next step? Right now, we wait on Caleb to make his final decision. Whatever he chooses we will support. If he signs up soon, he would more than likely go to book camp around October or November of this year! That's just months away! Of course, he doesn't have to sign up now. It's all in Caleb's hands. I know that this is what Caleb wants to do. It's just all about timing right now. Caleb may want to go ahead and sign up or he may decide to wait a while longer. The Sergeant will call in a few days to check on him.
It's just hard for me to believe that we are at this point. It seems like yesterday that he was born. Now, he's nearing the age of 18 and possibly joining the service. Where has the time gone?
I do know that I am so proud of Caleb. He is growing into an amazing young man. I was listening to him talk today and answer questions and he just talks like he's so much older than he is. He is a wise, young man.
Monday, March 11, 2013
A Brilliant Mind
Today, I received a text and I don't want to forget it so I'm going to write about it. My sister texted me this afternoon and share with me something my niece, Claire Michael, said to her today. My niece is 4 years old.
Out of the blue, she said to her mama: "does Chandler miss me like I miss him? If Jesus healed him then why can't he come out of heaven?"
Wow! That little girl is doing some thinking! Then she goes on to say: "but when you get really old like Mimi and grandmama you go to heaven but they're glad cuz they miss Chandler . . .and their dads."
Obviously, her remark about Chandler missing her brought tears to my eyes. She was so young when he passed away but she sees pictures of him all the time and she hears about him a lot. She remembers him and that makes me smile. And, then she mentions her grandmothers and the fact that they are older and they will be glad to go to heaven because they will get to see Chandler and their daddy's. Hearing that really brought a smile to my face. She is a great thinker. She's thinking some deep thoughts and her thoughts are right on!
From the mouths of babes!
Out of the blue, she said to her mama: "does Chandler miss me like I miss him? If Jesus healed him then why can't he come out of heaven?"
Wow! That little girl is doing some thinking! Then she goes on to say: "but when you get really old like Mimi and grandmama you go to heaven but they're glad cuz they miss Chandler . . .and their dads."
Obviously, her remark about Chandler missing her brought tears to my eyes. She was so young when he passed away but she sees pictures of him all the time and she hears about him a lot. She remembers him and that makes me smile. And, then she mentions her grandmothers and the fact that they are older and they will be glad to go to heaven because they will get to see Chandler and their daddy's. Hearing that really brought a smile to my face. She is a great thinker. She's thinking some deep thoughts and her thoughts are right on!
From the mouths of babes!
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
2 Years
The words for this blog just aren't coming easily. I keep typing and deleting, typing and deleting. It's hard to believe that today marks the 2 year anniversary of Chandler going to heaven. Sometimes I feel like it just happened because I can remember those days so vividly. Sometimes if feels like forever ago. We still face each day one at a time. Some days are still harder than others. It can stem from the mood I wake up to or just seeing a picture of Chandler can bring back a memory that makes me miss him even more. I can hear a song that will trigger emotions for one reason or another. There are so many other things that can turn an okay day into a very emotional one. Corben and Carlie will often recall memories of Chandler. I love when they remember things. They were so young (5 & 6) when Chandler passed away so I worry that they'll forget a lot of things they shared with Chandler. That's why I'm thrilled when they bring up memories of Chandler. But sometimes when they talk about him, my heart just breaks for them. I think 'why can't Caleb, Corben and Carlie have their big brother here with them?' It breaks my heart that they have had to experience such a huge loss at such a young age.
We are so amazed to still have so much love and support from family and friends during this time. We are still so appreciate of the thoughts and prayers from everybody. The prayers do work. God hears y'all and he helps us through the days.
This blog is shorter than most because I can't seem to come up with the right words. I guess a part of me is in a little bit of shock just thinking about the "2 year anniversary". I'm just at a loss for words. But
there is a song by Kenny Chesney that is written so perfectly. I often have thoughts go through my mind like 'what would Chandler be doing? where would he go to school? would he have a family?', etc. So, I'll end this blog with those lyrics that say it all so much better than I can right now.
Who You'd Be Today lyrics - Kenny Chesney
Sunny days seem to hurt the most.
I wear the pain like a heavy coat.
I feel you everywhere I go.
I see your smile, I see your face,
I hear you laughin' in the rain.
I still can't believe you're gone.
It ain't fair: you died too young,
Like the story that had just begun,
But death tore the pages all away.
God knows how I miss you,
All the hell that I've been through,
Just knowin' no-one could take your place.
An' sometimes I wonder,
Who'd you be today?
Would you see the world? Would you chase your dreams?
Settle down with a family,
I wonder what would you name your babies?
Some days the sky's so blue,
I feel like I can talk to you,
An' I know it might sound crazy.
It ain't fair: you died too young,
Like the story that had just begun,
But death tore the pages all away.
God knows how I miss you,
All the hell that I've been through,
Just knowin' no-one could take your place.
An' sometimes I wonder,
Who you'd be today?
Today, today, today.
Today, today, today.
[Instrumental Break]
Sunny days seem to hurt the most.
I wear the pain like a heavy coat.
The only thing that gives me hope,
Is I know I'll see you again some day.
We are so amazed to still have so much love and support from family and friends during this time. We are still so appreciate of the thoughts and prayers from everybody. The prayers do work. God hears y'all and he helps us through the days.
This blog is shorter than most because I can't seem to come up with the right words. I guess a part of me is in a little bit of shock just thinking about the "2 year anniversary". I'm just at a loss for words. But
there is a song by Kenny Chesney that is written so perfectly. I often have thoughts go through my mind like 'what would Chandler be doing? where would he go to school? would he have a family?', etc. So, I'll end this blog with those lyrics that say it all so much better than I can right now.
Who You'd Be Today lyrics - Kenny Chesney
Sunny days seem to hurt the most.
I wear the pain like a heavy coat.
I feel you everywhere I go.
I see your smile, I see your face,
I hear you laughin' in the rain.
I still can't believe you're gone.
It ain't fair: you died too young,
Like the story that had just begun,
But death tore the pages all away.
God knows how I miss you,
All the hell that I've been through,
Just knowin' no-one could take your place.
An' sometimes I wonder,
Who'd you be today?
Would you see the world? Would you chase your dreams?
Settle down with a family,
I wonder what would you name your babies?
Some days the sky's so blue,
I feel like I can talk to you,
An' I know it might sound crazy.
It ain't fair: you died too young,
Like the story that had just begun,
But death tore the pages all away.
God knows how I miss you,
All the hell that I've been through,
Just knowin' no-one could take your place.
An' sometimes I wonder,
Who you'd be today?
Today, today, today.
Today, today, today.
[Instrumental Break]
Sunny days seem to hurt the most.
I wear the pain like a heavy coat.
The only thing that gives me hope,
Is I know I'll see you again some day.
Friday, November 9, 2012
Happy Birthday!
Chandler,
When you turned 13, your dad and I each gave you individual letters that we had written. You actually kept those letters and that meant so much to us when we found them in one of your drawers. Well, today is your 18th birthday. That is a big deal! I know that if you were here with us, I would want to give another special letter to you for this special day. Well, I want to write you a letter anyway. You may not be here physically but you are always in our hearts, everyday! That will never change!
You have officially reached the "adult" age today. I can't believe it. I remember the day you were born like it just happened. It was such a long labor and delivery. I remember my doctor always referred to your birth as an "ordeal". I think it wore him out. We always laughed about it with him. But, let me tell you that you were worth every pain I felt. I remember being in the hospital not long after you were born and I said "I would do that again."
Chandler, you were such an amazing son. We were and still are so proud of you. You were so smart, talented and funny. You could always make us laugh! We miss that so much! A little while ago, I was sitting here watching some of the videos you made. You would be taping goofy things and laughing and just having a good time. But, what's funny is that sometimes Caleb would get so frustrated at you with that camera. You're just laughing and he's just fussing at you. It just makes us laugh when we watch those videos.
One of the difficult things about your birthdays is having all of the questions run through my mind and knowing I'll never have the answers. How would you have changed physically over the past year? Would you be working somewhere? What kind of car would you have? Would you be picking a college to go to soon? I could go on and on with so many questions like that.
I wish so badly that you were here to see your brothers and sister grow up. Caleb is such an incredible young man. He's growing up so quickly and that hurts my heart. I know y'all are supposed to grow up and move on with your life. But, the reality that one day soon we will have an empty nest is very sad for me.
Corben is like you in a lot of ways. He does things sometimes and I'll think 'that is such a Chandler thing'. His looks get more and more like you as he gets older. Sometimes, I'll see him walking away and it just brings back memories of you at his age.
Carlie is still the loving little girl that she's always been. She has a way of making me laugh like you do too. I think she got a little bit of your humor. She would make you proud.
There are so many people that are trying hard to make your birthday a little easier on us. Your Aunt Brandi is amazing. She sent us all a package yesterday with little gifts for all of us to celebrate your day. She just tries to put a smile on our face by doing things like that. You know, yesterday was Connor's 8th birthday. So, today, he is having a birthday party. Well, Aunt Brandi told me that they are releasing balloons at his birthday party for you. I thought that was very sweet of your cousin to share his birthday party with you by sending up balloons. They love you so much. A little while ago, a car pulled up in our driveway. Aunt Brandi had some beautiful cupcakes (with dragonfly) designs delivered to us.
Nathan's brother, David, made something pretty special for us. He took wire hangers and went out in his backyard where a fire was built and banged on hot, wire hangers and formed them into letters to spell your name. His sister Anna drew you a birthday picture and brought it to me.
There are so many people praying for us and thinking of us today. It really does help us to get through these days that are a little harder than the other days.
I've made one of your favorite desserts today to celebrate your day. I've made brownies and I'll soon sprinkle powdered sugar on them. You always called them "flower bunnies". I have no idea why you named them that. I guess it's just your sense of humor. But, we still laugh at that name every time we hear it.
So, the day is nearly over. We've had tons of friends and family praying us through another one of your birthdays without you. Just a few minutes ago, I was checking my email. There was a message from the person at Lifenet that we keep in touch with to get information on the recipients of your organs. Well, can you believe she had forwarded me a letter that the heart recipient had written to us? Today, of all days, YOUR birthday, and we receive a letter from the girl who carries your heart. What timing! So, I'm hoping that we'll be able to start some correspondence with her now and get to know her better.
We miss you so much Chandler! There isn't a day that goes by that I don't wish you were here. Our lives have been changed so drastically and we still aren't used to it. I don't think we ever will be. We just do NOT like the change.
I hope you've had a wonderful birthday in heaven.
I love you so much!
Forever your mom!
When you turned 13, your dad and I each gave you individual letters that we had written. You actually kept those letters and that meant so much to us when we found them in one of your drawers. Well, today is your 18th birthday. That is a big deal! I know that if you were here with us, I would want to give another special letter to you for this special day. Well, I want to write you a letter anyway. You may not be here physically but you are always in our hearts, everyday! That will never change!
You have officially reached the "adult" age today. I can't believe it. I remember the day you were born like it just happened. It was such a long labor and delivery. I remember my doctor always referred to your birth as an "ordeal". I think it wore him out. We always laughed about it with him. But, let me tell you that you were worth every pain I felt. I remember being in the hospital not long after you were born and I said "I would do that again."
Chandler, you were such an amazing son. We were and still are so proud of you. You were so smart, talented and funny. You could always make us laugh! We miss that so much! A little while ago, I was sitting here watching some of the videos you made. You would be taping goofy things and laughing and just having a good time. But, what's funny is that sometimes Caleb would get so frustrated at you with that camera. You're just laughing and he's just fussing at you. It just makes us laugh when we watch those videos.
One of the difficult things about your birthdays is having all of the questions run through my mind and knowing I'll never have the answers. How would you have changed physically over the past year? Would you be working somewhere? What kind of car would you have? Would you be picking a college to go to soon? I could go on and on with so many questions like that.
I wish so badly that you were here to see your brothers and sister grow up. Caleb is such an incredible young man. He's growing up so quickly and that hurts my heart. I know y'all are supposed to grow up and move on with your life. But, the reality that one day soon we will have an empty nest is very sad for me.
Corben is like you in a lot of ways. He does things sometimes and I'll think 'that is such a Chandler thing'. His looks get more and more like you as he gets older. Sometimes, I'll see him walking away and it just brings back memories of you at his age.
Carlie is still the loving little girl that she's always been. She has a way of making me laugh like you do too. I think she got a little bit of your humor. She would make you proud.
There are so many people that are trying hard to make your birthday a little easier on us. Your Aunt Brandi is amazing. She sent us all a package yesterday with little gifts for all of us to celebrate your day. She just tries to put a smile on our face by doing things like that. You know, yesterday was Connor's 8th birthday. So, today, he is having a birthday party. Well, Aunt Brandi told me that they are releasing balloons at his birthday party for you. I thought that was very sweet of your cousin to share his birthday party with you by sending up balloons. They love you so much. A little while ago, a car pulled up in our driveway. Aunt Brandi had some beautiful cupcakes (with dragonfly) designs delivered to us.
Nathan's brother, David, made something pretty special for us. He took wire hangers and went out in his backyard where a fire was built and banged on hot, wire hangers and formed them into letters to spell your name. His sister Anna drew you a birthday picture and brought it to me.
There are so many people praying for us and thinking of us today. It really does help us to get through these days that are a little harder than the other days.
I've made one of your favorite desserts today to celebrate your day. I've made brownies and I'll soon sprinkle powdered sugar on them. You always called them "flower bunnies". I have no idea why you named them that. I guess it's just your sense of humor. But, we still laugh at that name every time we hear it.
So, the day is nearly over. We've had tons of friends and family praying us through another one of your birthdays without you. Just a few minutes ago, I was checking my email. There was a message from the person at Lifenet that we keep in touch with to get information on the recipients of your organs. Well, can you believe she had forwarded me a letter that the heart recipient had written to us? Today, of all days, YOUR birthday, and we receive a letter from the girl who carries your heart. What timing! So, I'm hoping that we'll be able to start some correspondence with her now and get to know her better.
We miss you so much Chandler! There isn't a day that goes by that I don't wish you were here. Our lives have been changed so drastically and we still aren't used to it. I don't think we ever will be. We just do NOT like the change.
I hope you've had a wonderful birthday in heaven.
I love you so much!
Forever your mom!
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
The Call
For a long time now, we have hoped for the phone call that we received today. It was from Lifenet. They are the organization that we worked with when we donated Chandler's organs. About a year and a half ago, they informed us of the recipients of his organs. We've always wanted to hear from the recipients. We've sent all of them letters but have only heard from 2 of them (by letter) so far. For some reason, we've especially wanted to hear from the heart recipient, who was an 11 year old girl. Just knowing that Chandler's heart still beats in the body of someone else is so hard to comprehend.
During the phone call today, our Lifenet contact updated us on that young girl. She told us that she is planning to go trick or treating tomorrow night. That tells us that she is doing well. Because of Chandler's heart, she is able to live her life. She is able to do what young girls should be doing. That's great news! Of course, it is bittersweet for us because it took our son's heart to help her.
The next thing we were told was that the heart recipient is ready to talk to us. Are you kidding me?! Did she really say that? We've wanted to talk to her since the day we found out about her. As soon as we got the news today, all I could do was cry. We have to fill out some paperwork first. Then, we'll be able to swap phone numbers and plan the call. It will be a very difficult call. The girl we'll be talking to will have Chandler's beating heart inside of her. I just can't really imagine that. I don't even know if I'll be able to get any words to come out of my mouth. It's so hard to understand. I mean, my son is no longer with us. He is in heaven. But, his heart still beats! But, it's not beating inside of him anymore. That's hard to swallow and harder to accept. We don't know where she lives or anything about her at this time. I do hope that if our first conversation goes well, then maybe we'll be able to meet her in person one day. Now, that would be a dream come true for me. To be able to hug her and to feel the beating heart of Chandler would be amazing! But, we'll take it one step at a time.
As emotional as all of this is, we are so thankful for this call today. It is an answer to prayer. I am thrilled that this young girl wants to talk to us. We'll be getting our paperwork filled out and sent back in and we'll be preparing for this very special call.
During the phone call today, our Lifenet contact updated us on that young girl. She told us that she is planning to go trick or treating tomorrow night. That tells us that she is doing well. Because of Chandler's heart, she is able to live her life. She is able to do what young girls should be doing. That's great news! Of course, it is bittersweet for us because it took our son's heart to help her.
The next thing we were told was that the heart recipient is ready to talk to us. Are you kidding me?! Did she really say that? We've wanted to talk to her since the day we found out about her. As soon as we got the news today, all I could do was cry. We have to fill out some paperwork first. Then, we'll be able to swap phone numbers and plan the call. It will be a very difficult call. The girl we'll be talking to will have Chandler's beating heart inside of her. I just can't really imagine that. I don't even know if I'll be able to get any words to come out of my mouth. It's so hard to understand. I mean, my son is no longer with us. He is in heaven. But, his heart still beats! But, it's not beating inside of him anymore. That's hard to swallow and harder to accept. We don't know where she lives or anything about her at this time. I do hope that if our first conversation goes well, then maybe we'll be able to meet her in person one day. Now, that would be a dream come true for me. To be able to hug her and to feel the beating heart of Chandler would be amazing! But, we'll take it one step at a time.
As emotional as all of this is, we are so thankful for this call today. It is an answer to prayer. I am thrilled that this young girl wants to talk to us. We'll be getting our paperwork filled out and sent back in and we'll be preparing for this very special call.
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